Your semester horoscope

Hello again my dear Swatties! I trust that everyone had a good summer, but as all good things must end, here we are again, somewhat ready but hopefully excited to face yet another year of ‘Oh God, why did I enroll here and why do I have so much work.’ And as a special treat to kick off the year just right, allow me to lay out some horoscopes for you guys.
Aries (March 21-April 19): Not only are you going to find that Sharples has become even harder to enjoy than last year, you may also discover that the ice cream you stored in the communal fridge was stolen by an unknown suspect. However, fear not, because with all this terrible food mayhem, you will stumble upon an amazing isolation desk in McCabe that somehow has both natural light and actually lets you stay in a good mood.
Taurus (April 20-May 20): Your new rooming accommodations are truly something else, and they’re everything you hoped they would be but nothing like it at all either. The first couple weeks have been rough and perhaps there’s been a random fight or two with your blockmates, but worry not, everything will soon turn around when you finally have that movie night you’ve been calling for and good vibes will permanently ensue.  
Gemini (May 21-June 20): So you thought you knew your major but since coming back and starting classes, you’ve changed your mind about seven times. The nerves are running high, but don’t worry, your mind will soon be set on a decision after you actually do the assigned reading that you’ve been pushing off and find yourself devouring the words.
Cancer (June 21-July 22): Between friends, family, school work, sports, and clubs, you’ve been feeling like there’s almost too much to juggle. You feel a little too tense and you’re not sure which way to turn, but everything will soon settle down as your schedule settles and you find the perfect balance. Just be sure to remember to leave some time to have fun though, Cancer!
Leo (July 23-August 22): You thought coming back to Swat would mean a sudden and forceful return of memes that would send you into laughing fit after laughing fit, but all you’ve seem to stumble upon lately are articles about how to plan for your future. Thankfully, the meme gods are sending good thoughts in your direction and will soon be filling your Facebook mentions and feed with outrageous mentions. Be prepared.
Virgo (August 23-September 22): Although you’ll soon be appalled by the fact that the new Sci Center coffee bar has somehow managed to botch the spelling of the word “espresso” (do we not go to a prestigious learning institution), it’ll all be forgotten as soon as you order a new drink from them and find yourself falling in love.
Libra (September 23-October 22): It seems to somehow happen every semester that you have about three labs in three consecutive days, but you wormed yourself out of it this time. Good thing too because the other ‘easy’ class you enrolled in requires about a million hours of reading per week. At least your lab partner is cute.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Almost a month into classes and your dorm walls are still empty, your bed is almost always unmade, and your room isn’t even next door to your squad. How you ended up in such abysmal conditions is beyond you at this point. However, you’ll soon find your work load lightening up, and you’ll be able to fill that extra time with some quality bonding time instead, finally letting you live the college life you’ve been missing.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Even though it feels like classes just started, your bank account looks like you’ve been at Swat for eight years without pay and you couldn’t even be sure of where all that money is actually going. On the bright side, you’ll soon stumble upon the campus job of your dreams (high pay, minimal work of course) and finally see the money tick slowly up. Here’s the best side; the number will actually manage to stay relatively high.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19): You feel like you haven’t really been able to catch up with any of your friends all semester, and the only people around you have been Swatties you’ve somehow never seen before. Soon, though, you’ll strike up unlikely friendships with some of those unknowns and find yourself gravitating and opening up to other people. And your squad will finally have that dinner you’ve all been meaning to plan, giving you the perfect chance to reunite.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18): With your meal plan keeping you in check, you’re always torn between going to Sharples to enjoy the company but doubt the food or simply making a run all the way to the Co-op to enjoy your own company and love the food. However, if you play your cards right, you’ll find the Sharples breaks in your day will be both enjoyable in food and company, and you may even find yourself looking forward to those meals.
Pisces (February 19-March 20): Your advisor from last semester unexpectedly left you, leaving you hanging to figure out all the difficult class decisions and future planning. But while you’ve been scrambling to find solutions, you were finally assigned a new advisor, and when you finally make that appointment to meet them, you’ll find yourself in advisor heaven. Not only will they map out your future meticulously, they’ll also outline all those reqs for graduation you were still so unclear about, giving you the peace of mind you’d been waiting for.

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