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satire - Page 3

Faculty Teach Classes at Peripeteia Weekend*

In one of the most beloved and intensely “Swarthmorean” traditions on campus, this coming weekend will feature the eagerly anticipated “Peripeteia,” three days of classes in unorthodox disciplines taught by students and faculty who would not otherwise be teaching them. This fourth
January 31, 2019

Strictly Good Advice

Strictly Good Advice, I have no plans this summer, but people keep asking me what I’m doing. How do I give them an answer? Thanks, E. Hello E., and thank you for your question. I’ll get right to the advice. I suspect,
April 26, 2018

The truth revealed: she walks among us

My name is Ivan Gestigator. I am an Austrian journalist in deep cover at Swarthmore College. In all likelihood, you know me and consider me a friend. I could be anyone so don’t look for me. I am undercover because, while my
April 5, 2018

The Death of Online News

Since 1881, we at The Phoenix have worked tirelessly to write pieces relevant to the Swarthmore community that are informative and conducive to discourse. As we continue to publish, we aim to stay ahead of the curve. It takes visionaries to know
April 5, 2018
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The Longest Winter

Editor’s note: This article was initially published in The Daily Gazette, Swarthmore’s online, daily newspaper founded in Fall 1996. As of Fall 2018, the DG has merged with The Phoenix. See the about page to read more about the DG. Reprinted from
December 11, 2017

Swatstrology: Fall Horoscopes

Editor’s note: This article was initially published in The Daily Gazette, Swarthmore’s online, daily newspaper founded in Fall 1996. As of Fall 2018, the DG has merged with The Phoenix. See the about page to read more about the DG. Aquarius (January
October 26, 2017

Swarthmore treats admitted students like royalty

In desperate hopes to lure admitted prospective students into matriculating to Swarthmore, the administration sent out strict orders to the students, faculty, and staff—especially the dining staff—prior to Swatstruck, instructing them to show their best performance and be on their best behavior.
April 27, 2017
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