Weekly Horoscopes From Professor Trelawney

Editor’s note: This article was initially published in The Daily Gazette, Swarthmore’s online, daily newspaper founded in Fall 1996. As of Fall 2018, the DG has merged with The Phoenix. See the about page to read more about the DG.

Many pardons for my inactivity–it seems that I’ve been stuck in the gaze of my crystal ball for months! Alas, I return to bear some, well, rather unfortunate news for some but for others the news that they’ve been waiting for! Yes, it’s true… My field of studies–Divination, that is–is oft looked down upon by the “harder” sciences as some call them (for reasons unknown to me, it’s very obvious that my work is harder than theirs!). But ask any of your professors and none are apt to tell the fate of your futures as well as I can! Which, of course, leads you to this week’s horoscopes. Come and see what the future holds in store for you Swatties:

Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

The stars are shining quite bright for you Aquarius! Whether or not you did any work this past Fall Break, you ought not to fuss too much about this following week. Rather, take some time for yourself to enjoy a hot coffee in Kohlberg Courtyard, a meal out in Parrish Beach, or a walk through the Crum Woods (do take care about the deer hunters though!).


Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

This week, pay close attention to what your body is telling you. Don’t pull an all-nighter in McCabe, hydrate often, eat well, and get a lot of sleep. Your body will thank you for it and as a result, your mood will be high all week! Remember, your body is the temple to the goddess that you are.

Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

It isn’t so much your future that worries me but your past. Memories long forgotten, broken friendships, and the worst of your past relationships may creep into your mind sometime this week. It is best to leave the past behind and move forward with your life.

Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20)

The stars are shining just as bright for you as they are for Aquarius yet, they call particularly for your presence this week. Make sure to spend some time this week with friends or a special lover out in the open under the stars as they’ll l be looking out for you. May I suggest stargazing out on Parrish Beach?


Gemini (May 21 – Jun 20) 

There will be many times this week when the feeling of despair and melancholy will begin to make its way over you. It is important that at these times, you look around and remember that you are loved–from your friends, your family, and perhaps even a special someone here at Swarthmore. Reach out to them for warmth.

Cancer (Jun 21 – Jul 22)

While you love and cherish your friends, it is important to remember that it is inevitable that they too will come to bring annoyance into your life. Pay special attention to your communication (texting, body language, etc.) and remember to be patient with others as they are with you. An unanswered message might only mean that they are busy, not they don’t want to have a Sharples meal with you this week.

Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22)

Take some time out this week for some adventure! Remember, that Philadelphia is only a Septa train away and New York is only a Megabus ticket more. If you find yourself at Pub Nite later this week, the great walk to Wawa is always an option for some post-12am adventure with drunk friends.


Virgo (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

You are very loved and currently on the minds of many as well. If you feel like you’ve been out of touch with anyone in particular, take some time to grab a meal with them or send a letter back home. Your week is looking bright, and it will make someone else’s week just to hear from you.


Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

Do try to stay away from trying anything new or doing anything out of routine. You will have a rough week as it is–with many of your upcoming experiences forcing you to question your own values, beliefs, and identity. Remember who you are and what you value and stick with it.

Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

Put on your best clothes and smile because you will be radiating this week. Walk constantly from McCabe to Sci Center, from Sci Center to Sharples even when there’s no reason to because you will be catching everybody’s eye this week. If luck is on your side, you may even run across your crush.


Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

While students are rather judgmental about public display of affections, you will find the most happiness in physical expressions of love this week. Hold your lover’s hand, cuddle with your best friend, and try to pet the bunnies and squirrels.


Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

Be observant and mindful this week as deception is prone to appear in your life. Chocolate cookies are sometimes just oatmeal-raisin cookies, and we sometimes fail tests that we believed were easy. Even worse, be wary of any signals of attraction from your crush. It will most likely only be an act of friendliness.

Featured image courtesy www.harrypotter.wikia.com

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