Professor Trelawney’s Weekly Horoscopes – Swat Edition

Editor’s note: This article was initially published in The Daily Gazette, Swarthmore’s online, daily newspaper founded in Fall 1996. As of Fall 2018, the DG has merged with The Phoenix. See the about page to read more about the DG.

Disclaimer: any resemblance between these horoscopes’ predictions and real events is honestly a miracle.


Mar 21-Apr 19

Don’t let your passionate, hard-working nature get in the way of maintaining relationships or taking care of the basics. First things first: clean your room, make time for your friends, and make sure to take a break sometimes.


Apr 20-May 20

Your ex had a dream about you the other night, but you still should avoid texting them. In fact, avoid making relationship decisions until next week. In the meantime, focus on your studies and career.


May 21-Jun 20

If you’re feeling overwhelmed this week, try to focus on the work you enjoy the most– let it inspire you to reach your goals. If you’re still feeling swamped, skim the readings and procrastinate by watching Netflix.


Jun 21-Jul 22

Didn’t January go by quickly? Make sure to enjoy the little things and recognize the good times before they pass. February will go by even faster if you don’t tune in to your sensitive nature.


Jul 23-Aug 22

Your bright and energetic spirit is excited for all the plans you’ve laid out. You’ve picked good classes and made strong friendships, Leo. If other signs seem grumpy or stressed out, it’s up to you to cheer them up. 


Aug 23-Sep 22

Your skeptical nature makes it hard for you to buy into just any old idea, plan, or concept. Keep an open mind to the illogical things in life. (Like horoscopes.)


Sep 23-Oct 22

When’s the last time you looked at your social media profiles? This week is a good time to change profile pictures, update bios, and weed out your friends list. You’ll feel refreshed and better connected to the people you actually want to keep in touch with.


Oct 23-Nov 21

You faced many challenges last week, Scorpio. Classes, family, and personal issues all tried, and failed, to bring you down. This week, you will be rewarded with your favorite Sharples bar.


Nov 22-Dec 21

When your loved ones struggle, Sagittarius, your fiery nature kicks in. Though your initial urge might be to fight the cause of your friends’ pain, try to be sensitive and supportive instead.


Dec 22-Jan 19

Go ahead and let your flirtatious tendencies reign, Capricorn. Your natural charm, combined with the upcoming lunar events and warm weather, make you lucky in love this week.


Jan 20-Feb 18

Happy birthday, Aquarius! Though your birthday may seem more like an inconvenience than a celebration when you’re buried in assignments, take the time to treat yo’ self and do what you enjoy most. Splurge all your points at Sci Center or make your friends sing happy birthday to you in Sharples. If you have extra cake at the end of the night, be sure to share it with the people in your hall.

Famous Aquarius:

  • Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen
  • Ayn Rand
  • The Weeknd
  • Aaron Burr


Feb 19-Mar 20

Moodiness and stress are weighing you down, Pisces. The moon is waning this week, and new beginnings will likely be unfavorable. Take it easy and try not to get discouraged, as it will all brighten up by Pub Nite.  


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