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Olympics Column: Ice Dancing

14 mins read

Watched on Tuesday 15th

Bess: Hey, this is Bess. 

Grace: And this is Grace, and we are back with part two of our column. 

Bess: So once again, we don’t have time to watch all the events. 

Grace: Yeah, they are many hours long that we don’t have. 

Bess: So, we will be watching the top four performers’ ice dancing long programs. And I believe two of the couples are Americans. 

Bess: Once again, we have not been given the money for Peacock Premium. The Editor-in-Chief of The Phoenix informed us that they won’t pay for Peacock. They said we could use a friend’s account, but we’ve already paid for it. 

Grace: So, that doesn’t help us.

Bess: If anyone would like to Venmo us a dollar or really anything.

Bess: Let’s hope the commercials don’t ruin our experience. 

Grace: We’d greatly appreciate it. 

Bess: Thank you for your dedication and your support.

Madison Chock/Evan Bates – 4th Place

Bess: This is the American couple. We saw them perform this dance in the short program.

Bess: They’re in fourth place. So we’ll see if they can move up to the podium. I don’t know if they can. We said it before, but I really like how the back of her dress makes it look like her vertebrae are outside of her body.

Grace: Yeah. Phenomenal dress. She is standing on top of him currently. 

Bess: Grace and I just came from working out, so I feel like we truly understand what it means to be an Olympic athlete.

Grace: That could be me on that ice. But instead of standing, I’d fall every single time, but that could be me.

Bess: The sheer amount of upper body strength in the lift they are doing right now. We’d like to take a moment to shout out Karen, Grace’s mom, for reading our column and posting about it on Facebook. She also informed us that Grace’s dad has a Peacock account, which we didn’t know about when we bought ours, so RIP.

Grace: And we appreciate that and her.

Ness: And she also gives us a lot of support in life, particularly Grace.

Grace: Yeah, she supports me a lot.

Grace: AAAH!

Grace: Viewers at home, I dropped my banana on the floor.

Bess: We will now take a moment of silence for Grace’s banana. She’ll be missed. 

Bess: I feel like they’re doing better than last time, consistently. 

Grace: I think so too.

Grace: Do I like his outfit? No. 

Bess: It kind of looks like fancy jogger wear. 

Grace: That to say, the men need to step up their game. Unless you’re Nathan Chen, in which case you’re perfect. And if you ever want to come visit Swarthmore from Yale, you’re more than welcome to.

Bess: Nathan Chen, if you’re reading this, Grace would love to take you on a Sharples date. Wait, would you splurge and go to Bamboo?

Grace: Oh, absolutely. We would get that $50 sushi boat. I would do that for you, Nathan. 

Bess: So again, do you want this in the article? 

Grace: Yes. The people need to know, and Nathan needs to know.

Bess: I’m sure Nathan is a big fan of The Swarthmore Phoenix. 

Grace: Absolutely. He reads it all the time. 

Bess: Oh, they just did like a cool starfish thing. Okay, so I don’t think this will be enough for the podium, but they’re putting their all into it. 

Madison Hubbell/Zachary Donohue – 3rd Place

Bess: Oh, okay. This is the American team, and we saw them skate. They did the short piece, and they are in third right now. What do you think about his outfit? 

Grace: I like the shirt. I feel like the pants could do something more. 

Bess: Okay. I actually really like it. For the viewers at home, he’s wearing a sparkly maroon shirt, and she’s wearing a very flowy, sparkly, lilac dress. 

Grace: The way he just lifted her. He’s now spinning, and she’s on his neck. 

Bess: Yeah, it’s insane. That was insane. Her dress is so flowy — it’s beautiful.

Grace: I will say this is mesmerizing to watch.

Bess: I’m shocked that her hair is down. 

Grace: Me too, that’s gonna get in her mouth. 

Grace: They’re very in sync, though. Oh wait, the judges don’t think so. Once again, I don’t know what I’m saying. But the vibes are immaculate.

Bess: They’re being really expressive with their whole bodies. 

Grace: I know only some viewers will get this, but if you ever watched Barbie and the Magic Pegasus film, it’s exactly what I’m watching. If you know what I’m talking about, please comment below. 

Bess: The beat just dropped, and now they are spinning. 

Grace: The twizzles looked clean. 

Bess: We’ve already established you don’t know what clean looks like. 

Grace: I don’t. But I speak my truth. I was once again wrong, folks. They’re now spinning with their knees on the ice.

Grace: I have to wonder, does that not hurt? 

Bess: That’s crazy. Also, isn’t it cold? Oh my god, her arms were around his neck, and he was just spinning. It was insane.

Bess: It was beautiful. They beat the previous U.S. team, but only by a little bit. 

Victoria Sinitsina/Nikita Katsakapov – 2nd Place

Bess: Okay, we’re now going to watch the Russians. 

Bess: I feel like her dress is very similar to Madison’s. It’s the same as the previous dress except white instead of purple. 

Grace: There’s a cutout on the side, which is saucy. Looks nice. 

Bess: They’re giving me bride and groom vibes.

Grace: Those were some clean twizzles. 

Bess: Yeah, we don’t know, but they’re clean yet. Please stay tuned. 

Bess: Okay, so I feel like they’re technically better than the Americans. 

Grace: Yeah, the technicality of this is stunning. But the artistic side, I will say, is a bit lacking. It falls flat for me. I am a little bit bored. 

Grace: Oh, okay. I just said that. And he fully lifted her and swung her around.

Bess: They knew we were getting bored. 

Grace: The song wants to be Ratatouille so bad.

Bess: What does that even mean?

Grace: This song sounds like it wants to be on the Ratatouille soundtrack, but it’s failing. 

Bess: Okay, that was cool. I won’t lie. They just slid across the ice, and then turned on to their knees on the ice. 

Bess: That was pretty beautiful. Okay, so they’re going to beat the U.S. team. 

Grace: Yes. But will they take first place?

Bess: I don’t think so. Now we’re gonna see the French, who are the favorites. 

Gabriella Papadakis/Guillaume Cizeron – 1st Place

Bess: So, what I like is that this man is wearing a tight sheer red top. 

Grace: That outfit is very good. 

Bess: And she’s in a gold shimmery dress. 

Grace: Once again, she’s standing on his thigh.

Bess: That was insane. How does her blade not cut him?

Bess: I like that she’s wearing gold, and they’re trying to go for a gold medal. They’re manifesting.

Grace: I’m getting ASMR from the sound of their skates hitting the ice. Do you hear that?

Bess: No, but I love that for you.

Bess: They’re doing like an interlocked twist. 

Grace: I will say this feels like a box when you open it in the ballerinas spinning around. Yes. That’s what that looks like. But they’re holding each other while doing it.

Bess: They’re really going all out on facial and hand expressions, which I love. 

Grace: He’s giving face.

Bess: I feel like we’re in a silent film and they’re really hamming it up for the cameras. 

Grace: This is Charlie Chaplin, and oh god, what’s another one? 

Bess: Buster Keaton?

Grace: Yeah. Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton. 

Bess: Oh, wow. He just picked her up and did a lunge with her in his arms. That looked so hard. Maybe we should add that to our workout routine.

Grace: If you’re in the Matchbox gym and you see us doing that, mind your business.

Bess: Oh, wow. They’re so happy. 

Grace: They know they just got gold. They know they killed it. They’re breathing really hard. They look shocked, but also their technical score is way better. 

Grace: To the woman in the crowd, pull up your mask.

Bess: She has the mask under her nose. 

Grace: Pull it up, ma’am.

Bess: They’re now playing Ed Sheeran in the background. 

Grace: I don’t like that. The soundtrack of the Olympics is not great. I’ll say it.

Bess: Bold takes from Grace. Do you not like Ed Sheeran? 

Grace: No, he’s fine. But I’m not a Stan. 

Bess: Okay. Well, readers, thank you for listening, please Venmo Grace @Grace-Griego-1 so we can upgrade to Peacock Premium.

Grace: $1 or more if you’re feeling crazy. 

Bess: Thank you so much. If you want to hear any more or get us Natalie’s Juice, you know where to find us. 

Grace: Actually, you don’t. But please, don’t find us. That would be creepy.

Bess: But, how will they give us juice?

Bess: Wait, you could drop it off at the mailroom, and they’ll give it to us. But please don’t stalk us. 

Bess: Oh, look! Friend of the show, Alexa Specht, is here.

Bess: Would you like to say hi? We’re ending our viewing.

Alexa: Hi.

Grace: Viewers, that was one of our fans. 

Bess: We love meeting you guys in person. 

Grace: We love making dreams come true. 

Bess: We do. Please get us juice. 

Grace: Thank you.

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