Editor’s note: This article was initially published in The Daily Gazette, Swarthmore’s online, daily newspaper founded in Fall 1996. As of Fall 2018, the DG has merged with The Phoenix. See the about page to read more about the DG.
This is article is a fake intended to generate interest in the Psi Phi dactyl hunt, to be held Saturday, October 22nd, in the Science Center quad. Psi Phi (not a frat) is responsible for the content of this article.
It has been brought to the Daily Gazette’s attention that on Monday night, Swarthmore student P. Siphi was working late on an Astronomy project in the observatory, when they picked up a strange transmission that overrode the music that they were listening to on the radio as they worked. “It sounded very intimidating, and it definitely wasn’t my usual classical music station,” Siphi said, stating that the transmission, which appears to promise some sort of organized attack on Swarthmore, was accompanied by a series of unusual flashes of light that were briefly visible through the telescope near Uranus.
The transmission was fortunately captured thanks to Siphi’s swift action, and Swarthmore Engineering major Psiphi Notafrat has decoded the transmission exclusively for the Daily Gazette:
“It seems apparent that an alien power is planning an armed assault on Swarthmore’s campus,” said Notafrat on Tuesday morning. “The video’s a little choppy but that much is pretty clear from what I managed to get out of the interference.”
Whatever this disturbing video means, the Gazette recommends that all students be prepared for anything.