ICYMI: The DG’s 2014 April Fools’ Day Issue

Editor’s note: This article was initially published in The Daily Gazette, Swarthmore’s online, daily newspaper founded in Fall 1996. As of Fall 2018, the DG has merged with The Phoenix. See the about page to read more about the DG.

Didn’t have time to finish reading The Daily Gazette’s 2014 April Fools’ Day issue? Here’s a list of our articles:

Class of 2018 Facebook Group Fosters Friend Group that Will Surely Survive Orientation Week

Beautiful, Talented Gazette Editors Abandon Journalistic Integrity

Investigative Report: Where are All the Attractive People?

Junior Sprains Neck After Vigorous Swat Swivel

Hit-and-Run Suspect Finds Safe Haven in “Crum Creek Meander”

Director Mike Hill Fires all of PubSafe, Declares Himself “The Law”

Following Recommendations, College to be Renamed “Margolis Healy University”

Sharples Deep-Fries Chicken in Student Tears

Jim Bock ‘90: I AM the Admissions Mistake.

Orientation Week Activity Includes “Find the Hit and Run Suspect in the Crum”

Majority of Audience Reports Feeling Aroused During RnM Performance

In Effort to Increase Involvement, CamCo Appoints Every Student Co-President

Student Goes to Theater Department Show Expecting Nudity, Leaves Disappointed

New Policy Requires Birth Certificates to Enter Parties

Ville Spontaneously Implodes, No One Notices Until Saturday When Hobbs Is Discovered To Be ‘Smoking Hole In The Ground’

George/West Collection to be Made into Direct-to-DVD Drama

Jacob Abendaum ‘14 Postpones 2014 Graduation in Order to Remain SBC Chair

Robert George and Cornel West Revealed to be Lovers

FRAThletes Abandon Corner Table In Favor of Stronger Sense of Community

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