Editor’s note: This article was initially published in The Daily Gazette, Swarthmore’s online, daily newspaper founded in Fall 1996. As of Fall 2018, the DG has merged with The Phoenix. See the about page to read more about the DG.
The rumor that there is an ice cream endowment to provide ice cream at every meal has been debunked. Dining Services Director Linda McDougall states that there is “no truth at all” to it. She also notes that this rumor returns every year. The rumor usually includes the detail that a disgruntled and wealthy alum established the endowment to ensure Swarthmore students could always have ice cream.
That would be an awesome story. I wish it were true.
I, for one, refuse to believe this.
And if I ever become disgruntled and wealthy (already taken care of the first one, actually), I'll make sure to prove it to the rest of you.
Plus, if it were true, then all my ice cream assets would face existential liquidation, which would make the ice cream quite useless and unappealing, and there would be a run on the ice cream bank, because everyone would be worried that we won't have any more ice cream to borrow or lend, which would result, no pun intended, in an ice cream freeze.
Therefore, given that that isn't happening, there MUST exist an ice cream endowment.
What?! That's the BEST story to tell my tours.
Pssh, whatever. It's justification for having ice cream available all day, which is most certainly true, so maybe I'll just keep perpetuating the rumor.
Can't help it if there's a run on the bank; we need the ice cream to feed the birds.