satire Archives - The Phoenix

Swatties Get Sprayed: The Phoenix Investigates Excessive Sprinkling On Campus

Disclaimer: The content of this article is satire and not intended to be taken as fact. Despite a recent lack of precipitation in the Greater Philadelphia area, the Swarthmore Grounds Department rejects the idea that brown is the new green. Campus-goers have

October 24, 2024

Campus Journal

In Our Defense: Vegans

“Vegan” is one of those elusive words that can function as any part of speech. Adverb: “I’ve been eating vegan for five years.” Here, the word “vegan” reveals that the “eating” happens in a miserable way, dull in flavor, with not enough

October 24, 2024

Campus Journal·Highlights

What Happened to Favorites?

My least favorite year of my life was 2007. I was in kindergarten, and we had a class-wide spelling bee. I would go to bed every night with my mom quizzing me on words such as “can” and “ham” and “am” and

April 18, 2024

Campus Journal

Ugly Album Covers, Good Songs: I’m In Your Mind Fuzz

Album of the Week: “I’m In Your Mind Fuzz” by King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard Being ugly doesn’t always have to be a bad thing. And in the case of album covers, ugliness can transform itself into an asset. It’s different

October 12, 2023

Campus Journal

The Case for a Swarthmore College Reality Television Show

I love reality television. Ever since I saw my first episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians one long summer day at the age of thirteen, I’ve been hooked. I can list every Dance Mom and what season they were on, draw

October 12, 2023

Campus Journal

In Support of Swarthmore’s Commitment to Pitiful Wages

Working is not easy. Some may even call it hard. Recently, students and staff at Swarthmore College have expressed their desire to be paid more for the countless hours they spend each week ensuring that the college functions. The Swarthmore Fire Moose

April 20, 2023

Campus Journal

Artist of the Week Arthur on Becoming Artist of the Week

This week, I was lucky enough to sit down with Arthur and get an inside glimpse at the life of the beloved student artist. You’ve probably seen him around, or maybe not. Who’s to say? Arthur — who goes by Art for

April 1, 2022

Campus Journal

Your Effective Altruist Boyfriend Performed Data Analysis on Relationship; Decides Being Nice isn’t Tractable Long Term

The following events took place in the late afternoon of Tuesday, March 29, when syndicated The Phoenix journalist Jake Rothman met and had an exclusive, one-on-one conversation with your boyfriend. SWARTHMORE, PA – “It’s more complicated than you think,” he says to

April 1, 2022

Campus Journal

BIENVENIDOS BLANCOS! NOIR — The Cigarette Stubs Version

Disclaimer: This article is a work of satire based on a previously published interview with director Alex Torra. This work aims to satirize the student journalist’s creative process rather than the play BIENVENIDOS BLANCOS or the interviewee. The circumstances surrounding the interview

February 27, 2020

Campus Journal

A View of Swarthmore in the ’50s with Maxine Singer’s Sophomore Roommate

Singer Hall, the BEP, that gigantic building looming over campus. Whatever you want to call it, the new academic building has been making headlines at Swarthmore with its name and size. The Lang Foundation, who were one of the primary funders of

December 5, 2019

satire

Swatties Get Sprayed: The Phoenix Investigates Excessive Sprinkling On Campus

In Our Defense: Vegans

What Happened to Favorites?

Ugly Album Covers, Good Songs: I’m In Your Mind Fuzz

The Case for a Swarthmore College Reality Television Show

In Support of Swarthmore’s Commitment to Pitiful Wages

Artist of the Week Arthur on Becoming Artist of the Week

Your Effective Altruist Boyfriend Performed Data Analysis on Relationship; Decides Being Nice isn’t Tractable Long Term

BIENVENIDOS BLANCOS! NOIR — The Cigarette Stubs Version

A View of Swarthmore in the ’50s with Maxine Singer’s Sophomore Roommate

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