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The Phoenix: The independent newspaper of Swarthmore College since 1881

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Sports

Fans go wild as Ethan Ucker ’07 wins Oscar, Pulitzer and Nobel Prize

The ubiquitous Mr. Ethan Ucker '07 continues to astound the Swarthmore community. It was announced this week that Ucker has accumulated a…

April 1, 2005
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Sports

Martin Warner to leave Swarthmore, join circus

Beloved Registrar and Mustache November participant Martin Warner has announced that he will leave Swarthmore next month to join the circus. The…

April 1, 2005
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Sports

Class of 1990 graduate expelled from Swarthmore Alumni Association for failing to receive graduate degree

Joe Faleure '90 was permanently barred from attending Swarthmore College reunions and thrown out of the alumni association this week when organizers…

April 1, 2005
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Sports

Students form activist group to fight for higher grades

Swat students, who already have the opportunity to join groups dedicated to stopping genocide, donating bone marrow, and fighting violence in schools,…

April 1, 2005
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Sports

Junior breaks up with girlfriend over thefacebook

Sources to the Gazette report that Joe Brown '06 broke up with his girlfriend of two months on Thursday. "She was just…

April 1, 2005
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Sports

Student discovers that he is a not worthwhile person

In a startling realization on Wednesday afternoon, Greg Patton '06 discovered that he had been told a lie during orientation, and was…

April 1, 2005
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Sports

New attractions coming to Ville

In an attempt to combat its traditionally dull reputation and to compete with on-campus attractions such as Paces and McCabe, Ville officials…

April 1, 2005
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Sports

Irate denizens of McCabe violently remove closing buzzer

The loud and obnoxious buzzing noise that sounds repeatedly as McCabe library is about to close has tortured hard-working students for centuries.…

April 1, 2005
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Sports

Biology Department announces new tenure-track position in intelligent design

The Biology Department will initiate a nation-wide search for a new tenure-track professor next Monday, according to department chair Amy Vollmer. In…

April 1, 2005
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Sports

Sager sparks sexual revolution among Swatties

Last weekend's Sager, always the party of the year, seems to have left a lasting impression on the student body this time.…

April 1, 2005
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