I think it’s common knowledge by now that the Willets-to-Mary Lyons (ML) pipeline is inevitable for a lot of students. It is exactly what happened to me during last year’s dorm selection.
Picture this:
You and your roommate (both first years) decide to make a list of things to look for in your new dorm. After a bit of discussion, you decide you want to be a few floors up, have a nice view from your window, and NOT be in Mary Lyons. You also hope for a decent selection time because there’s just no way yours is going to be late into the evening, right?
Wrong! You’re apparently naively optimistic about the whole process, because you find out later on that your selection time is 8:50 p.m. and your roommate’s is 9:58 p.m. Not only that, but you have a midterm during your time, which you can’t do anything about (trust me, I asked everyone) — so you hand her your laptop, and she faithfully chooses next year’s dorm while you go suffer through two straight hours of linear algebra.
Your midterm is finally over at 9 p.m. (at least I think it was 9) and you’re walking down Willets Hill, completely exhausted and brain-dead. You call her, still hopeful about the selection, but all you hear is, “We got Mary Lyons — ground floor” and that your roommate watched every single double disappear before her eyes until the last remaining one was in the basement of the residence hall you two dreaded the most.
What would you do in this situation? Would you:
- Brush it off and tell her it’s okay, since you knew this would happen anyway.
- Get upset and complain about it with her once you get back to your dorm.
- Hang up immediately and sulk for the next three hours.
- Drop out.
The correct answer is actually: E) Immediately start cackling like you belong in an asylum!
Please understand this from my point of view. I absolutely suck at anything that has to do with math — I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if I was literally the worst student my professor ever had to deal with, which means I suffered through that exam. I’d pulled more all-nighters than I could count in the weeks leading up to it, and absolutely destroying my remaining one-and-a-half brain cells from 7-9 p.m. near the end of the spring semester definitely did not help at all. What else could I do except laugh?
Am I writing this because it’s exactly the type of horrible luck only I could possibly get? Maybe. But, honestly, after hearing all the stigma around this dorm and actually experiencing it for myself, I’ve come to the conclusion that ML gets way too much unnecessary hate. It’s a huge building with a big lounge and an even bigger breakfast room, and the dorm that my roommate and I have is a lot nicer than the one we had last year. But, nooooo, just because it’s a little bit off campus makes it the absolute worst residence hall in the world? I mean, I know the distance kinda sucks, but does that really make it worse than Parrish North?
Some people may call it Stockholm syndrome, but I like to call it “having a change of heart.” I really like the distance we get from campus — it feels more like coming back to an actual home after a long day instead of just another place to be. ML feels a lot more separated from everything else, and a lot of times that’s exactly what I need in order to have an actual break. If anything, being on campus all the time feels more like a nuisance now than a convenience.
Plus, it’s not even that long of a walk anyway! Would it really kill you to stretch your legs once in a while? There’s even a shuttle system that kinda works on a good day that you can use instead! Isn’t that so cool?! I know damn well you aren’t doing anything anyway except sitting at a desk all day staring at your textbook or computer screen. Honestly, I might start thinking Swarthmore students are just allergic to the sun and being outside for more than ten minutes at a time if they complain this much about a twenty-minute walk.
(I mean, I say this, but I’m on campus doing work in either Sci or Singer from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. every day, so this argument probably holds like wet cardboard).
Look, I’m not trying to be mean or sarcastic (yes, I am), but most people are just too dramatic about the distance. Yes, I initially dreaded living here, but now I’m glad we got this dorm — we made it into such a cozy little home, and I’m so happy to be able to escape from whatever the hell happened on campus to the pretty dorm that’s tucked away in the corner of a pretty neighborhood. Don’t judge ML by its distance — if you end up getting it next year, I hope you can look past the walk to get there and actually appreciate it for what it is.
Just don’t focus too much on the cockroaches and rats, okay?
