Before I start defending us gossips, I think it would be useful to first propose the following definitions to clarify exactly to whom I am referring.
Gossip: a hot new title cast forth by daunting, mysterious pressures at Swarthmore and colleges alike to stigmatize those who seek to develop a vast social consciousness across their communities.
Gossips: a disjointed collective of individuals who artfully evade their peers’ unnecessarily harsh social sanctions in order to diffuse the true characters of their peers.
Now that I have those distinctions laid out, I can get straight to the point: do not believe what others say about us. Their critiques of our actions hinge too frequently on the nonsensical refrain of “they need to mind their own business.” I must say, this may be a fair point in a more loosely connected population. But alas, we all selected the close and intimate corners of Swarthmore College for our undergraduate tenure. With such close connections to nearly everyone, it is no small understatement to say your business is my business.
If you are not following my point quite yet, think of it this way: we all impact one another with our actions and our dispositions, whether we like it or not, even for the things which seem “petty.” For instance, one person being in a relationship can dramatically impact the chances that another Swattie has to find love, due to the small base rate of compatible people within our already small student body. Thus, if you were to take one member of the Swarthmore community off of the market, I — or someone in my circle — is likely to see a large percentage point decrease in the probability of finding a romantic partner.
Not following yet? Try to see it this way: if one individual is engaging in behaviors that work against the group’s interests, it can be hard to challenge these individuals if their behavior is being swept under the rug. For instance, if someone is an avid cheater or a toxic friend, it can be challenging for their close friends to hold them accountable as they might feel threatened. Thus, it is our responsibility, as gossips, to report on the situation in a timely and cunning manner such as to diminish the potential harm this individual can do to the community.
Still not getting it? I mean, you’re reading a newspaper article right now, which functions in many of the same ways as a gossip. Perhaps we’re not quite as insightful and don’t dig as deep as news reporters, but we still have a dedication to bringing the truth to light no matter the pushback we expect to receive.
And of course, sometimes we can get our “facts” wrong when spilling tea, but when you access the volume and variety of information that we receive, it can be hard to thoroughly fact check and cross reference. But really, do social facts exist anyways or is objectivity an illusion in and of itself? We can all get caught in the weeds over the truth underlying our statements, but let’s just face it: more often than not, what us gossips report on is closer to the truth than any of us would like to believe.
Anti-Gossips: antagonists who disrupt gossips’ God-given freedom of speech in order to maintain their malevolent, selfish tendencies that debilitate the functioning of societies.
It would also be a disservice to not acknowledge the paradox of gossip. That is, the most common tactic used by those targeted by gossip is to begin spreading false rumors about one of us gossips. This method is unfortunately effective in clearing the anti-gossips’ name by devaluing the reliability of us gossips.
In sum, it is of the utmost importance that we demystify the societal benefits of gossiping. After all, we are a student body who craves transparency from the institution through accurate and detailed reporting of operations. It would be hypocritical not to see the merits in having the same level of reporting and transparency amongst us students. I urge us all to not only begin defending gossips, but also to create structured forms of offense that push against anti-gossips who drag the value of our community down. And if you’re feeling daring, you should consider joining our ranks and helping to forge a better, brighter social landscape for Swarthmore.
