As a little boy, the world tells you about that one day in your life you won’t ever forget — the day you post your D3 commitment edit to Instagram, of course. Showered by praises of “himmy,” “the goatt,” and more likes than a non-thirst trap could ever dream of getting, there was all blue skies ahead with four more years of receiving the treatment of a living legend. That is until I walked into my first Swat class that wasn’t economics.
Okay, so maaaybe my expectations started out a little too high, but seriously, not everyone on campus can hate us — right? Extensive field research has shown that — well who cares what it’s shown, anyway. Regardless, it’s time for me to address some of the reasons we may not be campus favorites, and show each and every Swattie why you should really love us.
First off, I’d like to address the misconception that we are not actually qualified to be students here. If you’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing our locker rooms or gear bags, you would know that Swat simply does not care about athletics enough to just let in some dummies that can throw a ball around. On top of this, no, we are NOT an SEC football team, yes, we are taking the same classes everyone else is. So instead of asking why those lax guys are never in office hours (we have practice … always), maybe ask yourself how we can get good grades without that extra help.
Next, let’s talk about some of the team antics you all have so frequently complained to me about. Whether it be the jokes in class, the party fouls, or the communal bathroom blunders, I am here to sincerely say … it could always be worse. The way I see it, out of the 100 lacrosse players that have passed through Swat in my four years, not one has come close to topping the heinousness in those classic college movies we all know and love. So if we want to grasp at straws, then sure, we can go a little over the top wild at times as a team. But at the end of the day, this is Swarthmore, so we’re happy to carry the “making memories” deficit, since it seems nobody else can.
Lastly, I would love to speak on the overwhelming sentiment around school that we give off “frat vibes.” Sure, a bunch of our players just rented an off-campus house that has more drinks than food in the fridge, sure we all chip in money for when we host parties at Olde Club, sure … sorry I’m getting sidetracked now. But on a real note, if us throwing a great party for you all to enjoy or cracking a joke for you to laugh at once in a while is causing this “frat bro vibe” you all despise so much, then maybe you’re the ones who need to change your vibe! So whether you want to admit it or not, you simply HAVE to like us. Let’s just be honest here, college is a place to have fun, and judging by the soulless faces I walk past in Cornell everyday, most Swatties are not having enough of it. If you’re still not buying it, I challenge each and every one of you to kick the sheets, let that problem set do itself, and come join us in the fun once in a while – I promise we don’t bite.
