Best Places to Poop at Swarthmore

Models: Daisy Lee ‘22, Grace Griego ‘22, Dakota Gibbs ‘19

Listen, we’ve all been there. You’re in seminar and you know you are NOT going to make it back to ML in time. Where do you go? I’ve got you covered. For your defecation convenience, I have ranked the BEST places to take a shit at Swarthmore. 

14. The Kohlberg Single Bathrooms

Alright, this one is obvious. Secluded, usually smells okay, and if you forgot your phone you can entertain yourself by staring at the back and white checkered tiles until you get dizzy. 

13. The Single Bathroom in LPAC

Little known gem of a bathroom nestled behind the Pearson Hall Theater.  If you can’t make a Kohlberg run (because it’s full in between 12:20 P.M. and 12:30 P.M., you know what I’m saying) you can always drop the kids off at the Ware Pool right here.

12. Mephistos Lounge

Pull a Willets third here on Willets first. The room always smells like shit anyway. And everyone can hear you, and might clap for you when you are done.

11. The Big Chair

Leave a Charitable Gift to the school on one of its most iconic landmarks. Don’t graduate without this quintessential Swarthmore experience! 

10. Your Professor’s Office

You’re tired of this guy’s shit. Give him some of yours.

9. Right In The Middle of Sci Commons

No one will even notice. They’re too busy buying sushi and talking about how they’re tooooootally going to fail that CS class (no you’re NOT Karen you’ll get a C at worst)

8. Off The Edge Of Parrish Roof

Who knows who you’ll hit! 

7. In The Middle of Parrish Beach

When nature forces your hand (or rather, your ass), you can always leave some little Langs right in the middle of campus. This one is extra fun because you can bury it afterwards like a cat. 

6.  In The Abandoned Shell of Phi Psi

Because it’s not like admin is actually going to let us use it for anything else. 

5. In a Cornell Booth

Are you tired of walking into Cornell and seeing that every booth is taken? Stake your claim! 

4. LPAC Mainstage

Preferably during freshman orientation. 

3. In Front of the FMFCU Kiosk

Make a deposit at the Franklin Mint Federal Credit Card Union. Now that’s what I call paying your credit card bill. Take that, capitalism! 

2. Into A Sharples Takeout Container (the winner, because it’s all about #2)

Take it with you and use it to fertilize the trees. Do your part for the Scott Arboretum.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

The Phoenix