Dear Nestor: Get a Clue

Dear Nestor,
How can you tell if someone likes you? When do someone’s actions go from being simply friendly to more than friendly?
Thanks for your help,
Clueless

Dear Clueless:

To be honest, this can be so hard to tell. One thing that I have learned is that one person’s expression of his/her liking can be the polar opposite of another’s. To draw a comparison, when some people are hurt by a friend or loved one, he/she could express this pain in passive-aggressive or volatile behavior. Oftentimes, there are those that are more naturally touchy-feely. I realize that if you don’t know the person well, it can be difficult to figure out whether he or she is crossing that “line”. Even if this person is a close friend, they may be trying to hide it. It is very difficult to know when someone likes you romantically.

What I would suggest you do is first figure out how you feel.

If you don’t know how you feel, then my best advice would be to give it time. Time to sort out your feelings, or let them sort out organically. Maybe, talk with friends. Oftentimes, the ones closest to you have a certain insight into your life that you cannot see.

By the fact that you are asking this, I can surmise that you do have some interest in this boy/girl. (Again, I could be totally wrong myself). On the chance you do like him/her, I say just be honest. If this is someone you don’t know well, I would say something along the lines of “listen__________, I like you. I would be interested in getting to know each other better. Let me know if you are interested as well.” Oftentimes, people find it intriguing when a girl/guy is really gutsy, even if it is defying that typical gender role. If he/she responds with interest as well, then that will be exciting. At this point, however, if he/she says no, then all you can do is thank them for being honest. Honesty goes a long way. You wouldn’t want a guy/girl to lead you on and/or not be true to his/her feelings. Down the road this will cause more pain. Even though it may be hard in the moment, realize it will give you the chance to pursue someone else. Now that you know that this guy/girl is not a viable candidate, you will be in a more secure place. It is often easier to know the truth, then to keep guessing at what the truth may be. Ultimately, as I have mentioned before, this is in no way a reflection on you.

I hope this helps.

Best,

Nestor

P.S. Feel free to respond with a follow up question.  Also email me and let me know how this all goes. dearnestor@swarthmorephoenix.com

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