Letter to the People of Los Angeles

Dear Laker Nation,

Hello from New York! We love your weather, your people, and occasionally your prices. We don’t like your earthquakes. We New Yorkers have experienced the terror of floods, blackouts, and out of control parades. Then there is the annual plague of James Dolan. From his perplexing ego troubles (see Lin, Jeremy) to his even more perplexing connection (for lack of a better word) with Isaiah Thomas the executive (footnote one), Dolan is the Megan Fox to our city’s Michael Bay (footnote 2).  For years, we thought we were alone in our big-city-owners- with-small-minds misery. But in Jim Buss (AKA Jim Bust) we may at last have company. The Lakers president of basketball operations snubbed eleven time champion coach Phil Jackson for Mike D’Antoni, who has been  forever thwarted in his quest to escape the third round of the playoffs. An all-offense play-caller whose system wears even young legs (which the lakers lack), he might be the harbinger for the tyrannical mediocrity and failed expectations to which we in the big apple have grown accustomed. Laker Nation, fear not. Find humor in your amusingly incompetent dictator. Egypt survived Mubarak. Libya survived Qadaffi. Cambodia survived Pol Pot. We have survived Dolan 1.0. You, we hope, will survive the reign of Dolan 2.0. Good Luck!

Signed, with love,

The people of New York

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

The Phoenix

Discover more from The Phoenix

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading