The semester is winding down, finals time is around the corner and we are down to the last two Pub Nites. But on the bright side, the weather has been mind-blowing. The upcoming transitions of everyone leaving college life to head home for the summer got me thinking about transitions in relationships — not only how people go from being mere strangers to being close friends to taking that next step and becoming something more, but also how those same relationships that have been “hot” can suddenly become cold and fall apart.
The one thing that I believe that I have yet to cover is the subject of getting over that “ex.” The post-breakup period is an especially difficult process, as you’re used to consistently seeing that person or just chilling with them. There are a set of steps that occur when a breakup happens. First, there is a sense of loss that arises — the anger that makes you barely want to think of the person. Then comes the point where you genuinely miss the person; you miss the friendship, but most of all you miss the memories. There are relationships that end cordially or bitterly, but there is fundamentally a period where you don’t give a fuck. That time passes soon enough and you arrive at a point where you genuinely want that old thing back.
Here’s the thing: there are going to be times when that “old thing” has moved on and that’s when it settles that you’re never going to be with that person again. Everyone has experienced this and it sucks to see the girl or guy that you have invested time in and shared all these memories with move on to someone else.
There is nothing you can do about it, but come to the understanding that relationships aren’t perfect and that they come to an end. Accept that every ending as a new beginning, stop hovering over this one person you had feelings for and cared about; there comes a time when you need to just to let go and give another person a try.
Relationships are neither a never–ending tunnel nor a one way street. Though, when they come to an end, a learning, reflecting period truly needs to take place and occur. That is the time when you can reflect on how the relationship turned out and why it had to come to an end.
No relationship is perfect, some are better than others but I repeat: none are perfect. The thing is, you can’t think that you cannot live without this person because of course you can. Days will turn into weeks, weeks into months and months into years. Don’t get me wrong, there will be times when they will cross your mind; I am sure that this will happen.
But before you write them a long Facebook message about how much you miss them, just think and breathe.
You have to move on; it’s okay to check in with them but you don’t have to be 110% invested in their life. Back up and be there if needed and understand that if it’s meant to be, it will be, but if not don’t force it. Because at the core of all relationships are two people who were once friends and decided to be more, but at the very same time, relationships have pros and cons and missing a close friendship is one of the latter.
Until Next Time.