Oral sex. It needs no introduction. As the sloppy drunk sister of penetration, oral sex frequents most love-smash sessions. Like God, it is both loved and feared. A lot of that anxiety aspect comes from worries about odors, preconceived notions about the act and performance anxiety. Really, don’t let that bullshit stand in the way of having a junk-popsicle for dessert. Oral sex holds a leading role in the Days of our Labia (or penis or anus, or whatever else you like) so, if you haven’t been introduced, find a way to meet the star. Most people like their partners to have a little Bissell in them. If you are in a relationship in which oral sex is a common interest or with a partner who wants a little downstairs dining, don’t be discouraged from giving it a whirl. You may discover a venue of pleasure that suits you and your partner perfectly.
Like any form of sex, oral sex comes in as many varieties as Baskin-Robins ice cream flavors. Everyone likes it a certain way, at a certain time (or all the time!), in a certain place. So, don’t assume that you’re King Kong of the buffet boning and chomp down like a wild beast. Conversely, don’t just jump right into the deep end because you have no clue what’s going on. With each partner, start from scratch to create a style of oral that is especially customized to their preferences.
Don’t be too afraid or too cocksure (pun intended). Consider it a Lewis and Clark type journey and explore your partner’s entire western frontier until you discover gold. There are no specifics on how to do this. You are (or will be) better versed in the vocabulary of your partner’s dicktionary than I am. However, there are some general notes that I must share with you:
The Aroma
A topic that always comes up when it comes to going down, smell can be something that discourages many from giving or receiving head. Now, genitals are not nicknamed potpourri or jasmine-citronella or fresh baked cookies. They’re called junk for a reason. The genital area is the home to many sweat glands and is hardly exposed to fresh air or sunlight. It is, basically, the basement of the human body. If you know anything about basements, you know that they don’t smell like a field of azaleas. Your twat, cock, and/or ass doesn’t either.
Genitals are an acquired taste/smell. That’s the reality of the situation. Just take the time to acquire that taste for the sake of both you and your partner. Fortunately, we’re all in the same boat when it comes to the breeze from the south, so, don’t sweat it. Sex is about becoming intimate with the way your partner’s body feels, sounds and smells. Consider this one more awkward, yet amazing aspect of sexual intimacy.
Generilingus
Oral exploration is the key to discovering what gets your partner off. As always, start slowly, and use your mouth, lips, tongue and even teeth (but only if she/he/ze asks) to arouse various areas of their south of France. The environment inside of your mouth is totally different than the one outside. Draw things into your mouth and suck/flick/nibble or just play around with licking and tongue movement. Your tongue can be used very precisely in the tense, pointy formation or generally in the flat, wide formation. It can be used inside of your mouth or outside. Experiment with the speed, cadence, tempo and/or pressure of your tongue, lips and mouth. Additionally, don’t be shy about using your hands. I always advocate the double stimulation. This is one place where using your fingers (or any other penetration tool of choice) while you eat is not in poor taste. Try different combinations of your mouth and fingers in different parts of their genitals with varying movement and rhythm. Sooner or later, you will find what your partner likes.
The Muff Dive
When figuring out what kind of oral a woman likes, don’t dive head long and start using her clit as your chew toy. Down, Rover. The clit is the Mecca of the allusive female orgasm, but it is not the only spot that excites a woman. In fact, nerve endings from the clitoris stretch all across the labia, uterus, and down to the thighs. Excite those areas, too.
A nice way to tease your gal is to stimulate all the nerves except for her clit. That makes her little prodding pal all the more eager for some TLC (Tongue Licking Clitoris, that is). The vagina has many little nooks and folds. All of which crave the attention of an eager diver or a massaging hand. Just follow the generilingis guide and use some common sense. In the end, take a pilgrimage back to the clit to finish what you’ve started.
When you feel like a seasoned carpet diver, you can always experiment with different positions as well. Starting with her on her back is nice because it gives you easy access to the ice cream truck. But, once you’ve become familiar with the stock and you’re interested in trying something new, try a new position. Any change in position could change the experience of the sensation. I suggest dining from behind while your girl is on all fours or facesitting for a kinky twist.
The Blow Job
To learn the style of oral drives your boy bonkers, just try the generilingus variety of techniques until you ding his doorbell. Firstly, the shaft is not the be all and end all of a blow job. In fact, much like the vagina, the nerve endings from the head of the penis stretch all along the genital area. Additionally, the balls are a pleasure button (oh, the joys of tea bagging) and the prostate is always just around the corner. Experiment with stimulating all these areas, both solo and simultaneously. The head of the penis is the most sensitive area, but, similar to the clitoris, that is the area that you start slowly with and save for last.
Something that makes blows jobs different is the whole protruding organ thing. The average American cock is about 5.5 inches. (Yes, really! I warned you that porn is very deceiving.) The average American oral cavity is about 2 inches. Now, if you’re some kind of super human, deep-throating, no gag-reflex-having freak that can use your throat as a sheath for a full length machete, congratu-fucking-lations, I am very envious of you and I wish you all the best. But, for us regular, gag-when-you-brush-your-tongue in the morning type of Joes, there is hope!
This hope is the glorious hand. Your hand is one of the most well-trained parts of your body. Your tongue is the strongest muscle in your body. That is a deadly combination; so use it. Stimulate as much of your boy’s member with your mouth as you can and use your hands to pleasure the rest (if necessary).
The gag reflex is not to be ignored. Something that no cultural references to oral sex ever allude to is the risk of vomiting. Gross, I know, but it is something that I had to mention to be fair. Only practice can help calm your gag reflex, so try to play the flesh flute as much as possible.
A note on etiquette
It’s good oral sex manners to give your partner a heads up before you shoot the glue gun. If you feel yourself getting close, let your partner know. He/she/ze may not want you to come in their mouth but may suggest an equally alluring alternative. Just ask.
If you are worried about not being able to control yourself in the heat of the moment, negotiate the terms beforehand. It doesn’t have to be like the signing of the constitution. Work it into your dirty talk or ask in a casual manner. This advice applies to ladies that have a history of squirting, too.
Tossin’ the Salad
I don’t want to beat a dead cock. For anilingus, try out different combinations of digital and oral manipulation, different speeds and pressures, stimulating the genitals as well as the anus, formations of the tongue and so on and so forth. Nerve endings from the clitoris and the penis are nestled back there, so feel free to let your tongue roam.
Eating ass has to be one of the most notorious sexual acts. It has quite a reputation. But, don’t be intimidated by it! Anuses are your friend. A common misconception is that, when giving anilingus, you’ll be exposing your tongue to the undigested remnants of your partner’s lunch. In fact, once you enter the anus, the first 10 inches or so is called the anal canal. This is where you are free to penetrate without worrying about any … mess. Any higher up, and you reach the rectum, where the mess is actually stored.
Now, yes, there is some risk of you encountering mess in the anal canal. But, as long as your partner uses the bathroom before you start your trip on the Hersey highway, it’s all good. If you’re still worried about it, try some non-penetrative oral on the puckered prince until you get comfortable. Poking around someone’s digestive track with your tongue is something that you are more than allowed to ease into. Rim jobs are popular for a reason.
Sex is the only act in which it is equally satisfying to give and receive. This is especially true for oral sex. For the receiving partner, the benefits are obvious. But, for the giving partner, feeling your partner squirm under your touch in mind-numbing pleasure can be just as rewarding. Take your time to discover intricacies of savoring genitals and always remember that your partner’s pleasure is your top priority.
As always, practice safe sex. Safety during oral sex frequently falls to the wayside. Most STD’s can still be transmitted during oral — including HIV. Use barrier methods and make sure to avoid brushing your teeth/flossing up to thirty minutes before a genital brunch (to prevent open cuts in the gums). Be safe, have fun and bon appetit!
Vianca is a junior. You can reach her at vmasuc1@swarthmore.edu.
