Missed Connections, Winter Edition

Editor’s note: This article was initially published in The Daily Gazette, Swarthmore’s online, daily newspaper founded in Fall 1996. As of Fall 2018, the DG has merged with The Phoenix. See the about page to read more about the DG.

We sat and laughed together selling secret message deliveries.
We had never met before but I already think you’re awesome.
Let’s laugh together again sometime.
— Interested Ninja

Dana 3rd Girl,
You will never know I love you because Dana’s really far from my dorm, and I get dirty looks when I walk there. I’m a little bit scared of the sacred sisterhood, but maybe one day I’ll have the gumption to say how cute I think your glasses are.
—love, murtzman

I was climbing the stairs of the science center after my psych lecture today.
I looked down. You looked up.
Your “dark and handsome” profile (I wasn’t at the angle to accurately discern whether “tall” was fitting) kept me watching, and made me smile when you smiled at me.
I don’t know you, but i like your style.
— brunette psych major in the black coat

To the Pirate who would be King:
Do ye seek treasure in the cove up North? If so, hit me up at the pub and we’ll share a bottle of grog. I promise me crew won’t make ya walk the plank.
-your would-be Queen, in response to arrrrr’s MC last time

To the Willets Pirate King:
I’d fancy an acquaintance with your hull,
Hands traveling port and starboard,
Gliding to rest on your stern.
What would you say if I whispered
To your salt-sprayed figurehead,
“I’ll gladly swab your deck
If you let me bury my treasure
Amidships between your bulkheads?”
What if I promised to abandon ship at the last moment
If you’ve run out of Worth-y life boats?
Would you respond,
“Thar she blows” ?
—pirate-loving poetry major, in response to arrrrr’s MC last time

I see you at Pub Nite each Thursday,
taking money at the door.
You always look so foxy—
its your blazers I adore.
Maybe this week you’ll get down off the counter
and meet me on the dance floor?
—natty lite gives me courage

I hear you’re into biology,
and I know that it’s old,
but I’d love to be your DNA helicase
and unzip your genes.
Or I could be your F+ to your F-
in our conjugation tango
on a bed of (aga)rose petals.
My cardiac muscle twitches
like the ones you used to study
at the sight of your gluteus maximus—
wanna get sharples sometime?
—probably not allowed in martin ever again

To the Mertz 1N RA,
I can see your dorm from my window,
and while I would never presume,
I imagine that you unlock a door
like you’ve unlocked my heart.
—not a Mertz resident

If my odes of lust have turned your face red
And you’ve hidden yourself back in your bed,
Just know that you’re brilliant,
And while my love is resilient,
For these particular poems, you can thank Rachel Head.
—Your RA Secret Valentine

I screwed you with my roommate, I’m sorry it didn’t work out. But I think you’re a cutie so um, give me a call. Talk to your roommate for my contact info.
— Dressing you up in tulle was not my idea

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