Editor’s note: This article was initially published in The Daily Gazette, Swarthmore’s online, daily newspaper founded in Fall 1996. As of Fall 2018, the DG has merged with The Phoenix. See the about page to read more about the DG.

From Sharples to the Willets bathroom, love can strike anywhere at Swarthmore.

Caught you nodding off, abruptly waking up, then nodding off again in Bio 1. You have the cutest little snore, 5th row guy. Turn around, let’s be friends.
6th row girl

Thanks for swiping me in, knee socks and a skirt. Now, no one has to find out that I already used up all my points…
cocoa addict

Passed you on my way to the bathroom on Willets 3rd. You waved at me, but before I could respond in kind, you walked into your room. Just so you know, I would have waved back.
just visiting

You were at Paces Cafe, making smoking look cool all over again. I forgot D.A.R.E. and was trying to look indifferent in my tight jeans and flannel. DARE TO BE MINE?
hipster chick

You were crying about your thesis in McCabe basement, I was shelving books on the thesis carrels. By the way, the books on your carrel were overdue and I had to reshelve them. But if you meet me for a Sharples date, I’ll tell you which ones I put back!
blackmailing for a good cause

You passed me on the path in front of Kitao, and I waved. What you did next makes me think you might not remember this, but believe me: I waved.
wishes he could have been the one holding back your hair

We ended up talking about the co-evolution of the boundless duck penis to the labyrinthine vagina of its fairer sex. You joke: ‘If evolution is working on the vagina, then why are womens’ vaginas so fucking ugly?’ The woman to your right stabs you with a fork. I think we should clear up just what ‘evolution’ is, so you don’t end up with any more silverware embedded in your arm.
confused about the premise of this thing

I was running a math clinic and you came by to chat with your friend, but just for a second. If only you were a little worse at linear algebra….
asking the professor to make the problem set a little harder

Watched you playing soccer shirtless from my Palmer window. You kept running around like you knew what you were doing but never actually touched the ball. That’s exactly what I do in my Chem labs, too! I think we’re soulmates. Let’s bump into each other awkwardly in the pasta bar line tonight—I’ll be having the linguini.
lives on Palmer second

We circled around the salad bar together since you used the same ingredients as I did, down to the beets, corn, and pineapples. I almost believed that we were solumates, but then you added olives! If you find a sharples tray with my note, then we are meant to be.
aversion to olives

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  1. 0
    kinky queer butch top says:

    kqfs, or anyone–

    bring props/shelter.
    and if you get caught, play it cool. i once got caught having sex on prison grounds (it wasn't a well-marked area) and walked away with nothing but a great story.

  2. 0
    kinky queer femme-ish switch says:

    Dear KQBT,

    The one time I hooked up in the rose garden, all I got out of it was bug bites all over my body. Maybe my partner wasn't kinky, queer, or butch enough? Call me.

  3. 0
    E says:

    That used to be the case with Trotter, but recently I've found all the doors locked at night. Kohlberg, however, is a pretty solid bet.

  4. 0
    Peter '11 ( User Karma: 0 ) says:

    A. We are a timid people, and are thus not terribly good at making actual connections.
    B. In a community of this ridiculously small size, missed connections just might actually WORK.

  5. 0
    kinky queer butch top says:

    to the couple i just walked in on having sex in the rose garden:

    a. get a room. or at least a classroom. the side door of trotter is always unlocked.
    b. i could do that so much better than he's doing it to you.

  6. 0
    Peter '11 ( User Karma: 0 ) says:

    "wishes he could have been the one holding back your hair"

    My brain said eww, but then I sort of imagined it and it seemed kind of sweet/romantic/oddly sensual. And then my brain came back and was like, wtf is wrong with me?

    I like this column.

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