Editor’s note: This article was initially published in The Daily Gazette, Swarthmore’s online, daily newspaper founded in Fall 1996. As of Fall 2018, the DG has merged with The Phoenix. See the about page to read more about the DG.
Just lose The Game?
The good news is that if you didn’t, I did, so you’ve got exactly five minutes to carry on with life, worry-free in regards to losing that most devious of pastimes *The Game*.
For those unfamiliar, I suggest you stop reading right now so as not to be sucked into what is widely acknowledged as the most insidious and corrupting vortex of modern society, namely The Game-playing-public.
If you are foolhardy enough to keep going, I suppose I’ll explain the rules. “The Game” is an ancient and occult tradition in which one is generally not aware of the fact that he or she is playing until it is too late. There is only one way to win The Game and that is to not think of The Game. Inversely, you lose The Game every time you think of The Game. Upon losing, you must declare something generally along the lines of “I just lost The Game,” with possible variations including “S#@t, I just lost The Game,” or “!Acabo de perder El Juego!”
In the five minutes following a declared loss, all within hearing range are exempted from losing. When the five minutes are up, game play resumes for all participants. Players who cheat, pretending for example, that they have not just lost The Game, are automatically disqualified and will most likely have an unspeakably nasty accident in the very near future involving a piano and those mushrooms from Super Mario. For those who play and win, glory awaits.
Five minutes up, enjoy!