Editor’s note: This article was initially published in The Daily Gazette, Swarthmore’s online, daily newspaper founded in Fall 1996. As of Fall 2018, the DG has merged with The Phoenix. See the about page to read more about the DG.
What’s up, sex-havers and not sex-havers! Welcome to the first edition of 2 Girls 1 Column, the new sextacular brought to you by The Daily Gazette. We’d like to introduce ourselves as your co-sexperts, Annie Choke-ly and Joy Gasm. We’re two girls — one of us is straight, one of us is gay — and together, we write one column. This advice column was born out of a desire to make public a conversation we often have together: “You do WHAT when you have sex?” Therefore, we’d like to use our first column to talk about how stereotypes play into the ways people talk about sex.
Annie Choke-ly: For those of you ladies (phrasing*) who prefer interacting with a male set of genitalia in the bedroom (or wherever, really), there are some pretty annoying stereotypes about our sex lives. One of my biggest pet peeves here is the blowjob discussion. I’m just gonna throw it out there: I love giving head. I’m also pretty sure I’m not alone on this one, but based on the way we generally hear blowjobs being discussed, you’d think that there was something immoral in allowing a penis to enter your mouth and that ladies only do it because they think they HAVE to. I’ve always kind of gotten the sense that girls were supposed to secretly hate giving oral sex for some reason, and I sort of see why someone might.
Sure, sometimes it’s not the… cleanest of things you could ever choose to do in your life, or the one that’s going to ensure a clear airway 100% of the time. And sure, sometimes jizz squirts its way to places where you’d probably rather not have it (see: hair, eyes, ear, tomorrow’s problem set). But when you think about it, these are just kind of funny things, and let’s not kid ourselve — -sex can be a hilarious and sometimes awkward business (see: stained sheets, queefing, those times when you need a post-sex cry and the other person doesn’t).
All of that being said, when it comes down to it, giving head makes me feel good. I get to control everything, know that I’m the only reason why my boyfriend can’t think straight, AND feel that sexy feel when you make eye contact and… well, there are just no words. Of course, some of us aren’t into BJs, and that’s obviously totally okay! I’m just here as a girl who finds going down on her guy empowering and sexy as hell rather than a chore.
Joy Gasm: For those of us female-bodied peeps who have sex with other female-bodied peeps, there are just as many, and equally hilarious, stereotypes that can be annoying to try and dispel. For example, if you’ve ever told someone that you have sex with women and they’ve made some strange suggestive scissoring hand gesture, you know what I’m talking about. I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve tried scissoring on a few occasions, mostly just to see what all the fuss was about. Full disclosure: every time, I’ve been kicked in the head or face region. Call me uncoordinated, or maybe I’m just not trying hard enough, but I personally like my sex to include as few concussions as possible.
This is not to say that scissoring “doesn’t work” or “isn’t a real thing,” but, contrary to popular belief, it is not the only thing “we ladies DO in the bedroom.” Secondly, let’s talk about that. If you’ve ever been asked, “So what do you actually DO?” (*eyebrow raise*), it probably either made you laugh hysterically or want to punch the nearest thing in the throat. That question makes it sound like lesbian sex is some sort of occult ritual that is virtually incomprehensible. The answer to this question: if you can’t conceptualize what sex looks like without a penis or penetration involved, you’re probably missing out big time. In my honest opinion, having sex with another woman is awesome because I get to think outside (and inside) the box: there’s no roadmap for how it’s supposed to go. So, I try to have the sex that feels good to me, not the sex that other people think I should be having.
AC and JG: At the end of the day, sure, people are probably going to keep thinking what they’re thinking about your sex life. Which obviously is irritating as hell. If you feel empowered by giving head, by all means, do it till the cows come (or he does)! If scissoring is for you, limber up and get at it! But all of this is to say that regardless of who/what/which position you’re into, don’t let the haters keep you from doing your thing.
Keep on humpin’!
Featured image courtesy of http://www.nonverbal-magazine.com