Editor’s note: This article was initially published in The Daily Gazette, Swarthmore’s online, daily newspaper founded in Fall 1996. As of Fall 2018, the DG has merged with The Phoenix. See the about page to read more about the DG.
This week, Uke the News does double-duty for WNR and the Daily Gazette with some hard-nosed serenading to catch you up on the latest nuclear news.
Lyrics:
Nothing scares me more than nuclear war.
Actually, I’m just as scarred by the stuff that comes before—
All the posturing, all the weekly tests—
A multiple choice threat, yet all I can do is guess.
But in case you’re not red hot on the Nuke Beat day-to-day,
For this week I wrote a round-up I’d be most inclined to play:
Oh, this week in nuclear news,
North Korea boasted it could sink the Red, White, and Blue.
Or call into question South Korea’s existence,
Then dash it to ashes “in 3 to 4 minutes.”
This follows a failed launch on April 13th.
They claimed it was no weapon, but a satellite for peace.
But as an unnamed source has finally confessed,
North Korea’s on its way to stage its third nuclear test.
Oh this week, this week,
The week that we knew
—in nuclear news.
Oh, this week in nuclear news,
Iran wants to sell oil to the European U,
So Russia tried to make a plan for preemptive peace,
In which Iran would cease developing its nuke facilities.
And Israel can breathe a sigh of relief,
At least according to the top Israeli military chief.
He praised Khomeini’s “rational” agency
For never brazenly pursuing the bomb.
Oh this week, this week,
The week that we knew
—in nuclear news.
Moving on to Pakistan:
They loosed a mid-range missile and nothing went wrong.
But the timing has folks believing it’s a response
To the Agni-V rocket that India launched.
This week, this week,
The week that we knew—
This week, this week,
The week that we knew—
This week, this week,
The week that we knew—
—in nuclear news.