Uke the News: My Mittens

Editor’s note: This article was initially published in The Daily Gazette, Swarthmore’s online, daily newspaper founded in Fall 1996. As of Fall 2018, the DG has merged with The Phoenix. See the about page to read more about the DG.

This semester, we will be featuring a new section called “Uke the News,” featuring witty ukelele songs about the news by Ami DiPierro.

“My Mittens”
[audio:|titles=”My Mittens”]
Like pretty much all of the major candidates running in the 2012 Republican primary elections, former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney, known to his friends as “Mittens,” has accepted campaign donations from independent-expenditure only committees, known to their friends as Super PACs.

With that said, this is a totally unrelated song about love, disillusionment, and a talking cat named Mittens.


My Mittens has a Super PAC,
So everyday he’s on the attack.
But maybe I should cut him slack;
He needs the money to launder facts.

Sometimes I wonder if his loyalties align
With mine or with folks above the ninety-nine,


When my Mittens
Says corporations
Are people, too.

When my Mittens
Says corporations
Are people, my friend.

My Mittens has a Super PAC,
But has no contact with the folks who pack
It with choice rhetoric and fresh greenbacks.
He needs the funds to take the country back.

Oh I shouldn’t pick on him for saying what he feels.
Heaven knows he speaks for the whole elephant field.


Can’t say I really adore him.
Republicans won’t even endorse him,


I call him M-I-T-T, E-N-S
Yes, that’s what my Mittens says…

Oh, his piety leaves voters so divinely divided
And each night he prays that God will uphold Citizens United.


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