Editor’s note: This article was initially published in The Daily Gazette, Swarthmore’s online, daily newspaper founded in Fall 1996. As of Fall 2018, the DG has merged with The Phoenix. See the about page to read more about the DG.
I see you carrying around a complete works of Shakespeare book all the time. Think you could teach me something? On or off the field hockey field? I like those red cowboy boots of yours and your perpetually messy hair. Will you be my co-teacher forever?
To the couple whom my friend and his girlfriend caught fucking on the Tarble balcony during the R&M afterparty: You suck for having stolen their spot, but it’s pretty awesome that you kept going even after they interrupted.
Seen you at cornell – so when I go there to work,
I try to look good.
—dressing & haiku-writing to impress
Grinding ever heard of it? I said whilst donning my yellow masquerade
I yearn for the day I get to spin you again…
I think I’m ballin’ for you <333
i saw you near the coffee @ sharples.
i like mine smooth, steamy, bold, and full-bodied.
—light n’ sweet
I loved your bright smile.
I loved your quiet wisdom.
We liked a lot of the same things and had compatible iPod playlists.
But you were a senior and I was a freshman…
You aren’t ever going to see this,
because now I’m a senior and you’ve long since graduated.
But I just wanted to let you know
that you’ve been loved for the past 3.5 years,
and now I’m letting you go.
—Wine, coffee, chocolate & Morricone.
I just spent an hour browsing your tunes on Shakespeer. I’m a big fan of all you have to offer, but my connection is too slow to download it all. Maybe we should try a LAN.
“My friend says that you gave me the stinkeye at Hobbs’ the other day. That’s hot. Say, why don’t you take a break from writing inane e-mails to the entire student body and come over and puke on my carpet? Again?
I was smitten with you from the moment I saw you urinating on the carpet in front of the Men’s bathroom. You almost made it! Let’s be friends.
—Not Myrt Westphal
To the Willets Pirate Queen –
Sat near you once at Sharples. You stood up, said “crew, let’s bounce”, and the whole table stopped what they were doing and left with you. Don’t know what kind of crew you have, but if you’re the captain, I want to be first mate.