Editor’s note: This article was initially published in The Daily Gazette, Swarthmore’s online, daily newspaper founded in Fall 1996. As of Fall 2018, the DG has merged with The Phoenix. See the about page to read more about the DG.
From Parrish Parlors to middle-of-the-night fire alarms, love can strike anywhere at Swarthmore.
Running into you in Parrish and having a real conversation after a week of Gchat ones has left me all a-flutter. I’m not sure how to bridge the gap to the “real world,” but help me out here! How ’bout next time you IM me around 5ish and ask if I want to grab dinner?
—real life is hard
You friended me on Facebook over the summer but we’ve never actually met before. I try smiling at you when you walk by sometimes, but I don’t think you notice. Too bad, because i think you’re cute. I hope our paths cross before we graduate…
—maybe you’ll notice next time
We had a fire drill at 3AM last night, which I was really grumpy about until you walked out without your shirt on. I know you gave a whole speech about hallcest in the beginning of the year, but I’m hoping you’ll reconsider.
—the one with the cute pajama pants
To the couple I just walked in on having sex in the rose garden: (a) Get a room, or at least a classroom. The side door of Trotter is always unlocked. (b) I could do that so much better than he’s doing it to you.
—kinky queer butch top
Dear Mystery Man: I was on Facebook and complaining to you about how everyone in my family is prettier than me. You told me that I was very pretty, and maybe I would feel even prettier if I stopped dating bears. Call me!
—momma bear
You almost beat a friend of mine to death with the bookstore sign a few minutes after you almost impaled her with a Game Room pool cue. Later, we’re walking through the Rose Garden and you bum-rush another friend before running wildly off toward the President’s House. Finally, in front of McCabe you come up to me and ask if I was looking for a bear who might have attacked me. What??? What’s going on?! Are you the bear? Am I the bear? Who is the bear?!
—am I next? do I want to be?
Dear tall trendy freshman boy that looks like Andy Samberg: I think that you’re cute. Let’s be trendy together.
—trendy senior girl
Is it creepy that I’ve timed my walk from the Science Center to Trotter so that I run into you between 11:14 and 11:16 every Tuesday/Thursday? OK, what about the fact that I don’t actually have a class in Trotter and just like walking you there? I’d appreciate it if you could love me back soon so that I stop being late to my class in Kohlberg.
—can’t quite get there fast enough
Send us your own wish-they-would-happens, or try getting in touch with one of these posters, at missed.connections@daily.swarthmore.edu