Living & Arts

On the culture of grinding

In print | March 26, 2009

Even before I had the vocabulary for it, I’ve always been acutely aware of THE PATRIARCHY, the fucked-up society in which we live. Growing up and realizing my identity as a woman of color, I began to grow increasingly disenchanted with the male sex. Sure, I have the right to vote, I can go to college; hell, I can even run for president. But the truth of the matter is that there will always be times in which I will feel unsafe, silenced or even violated because of my gender. And who is to blame? Surely not every man is a sexual predator waiting to strike. But, as was implied before, men have privilege, and while I have seen great evidence of male allies on this campus, I have also seen evidence that a majority of specifically heterosexual men just don’t fucking get it. Case in point, grinding.

Grinding is defined by Wikipedia as “a type of close partner dance where two or more dancers rub their bodies (especially the genitalia) against each other in a sexually suggestive manner.” I would like to argue that grinding often reinforces patriarchy, specifically when wielded by men as a tool to interact with members of the opposite gender that they barely know. I shall break up the rest of this editorial into a series of bullet points:

1. Ask me before rubbin’ yo’ nasty self up against me!
Now, I know that at most parties it is hard to hear because the DJ is usually blasting shitty hip-hop with the bass turned all the way up. However, the thing that I hate the most about the act of grinding as it is usually performed is that it lends itself so easily to the objectification of women. It is assumed that women are fair game to be fondled. A woman’s particular emotional inclination doesn’t matter. She exists within this space, she must be here to be grinded upon. Or, even more terrifying, her phenomenology of the dance space doesn’t even matter. She’s fair game: you see that ass, you get up on it, no questions asked. And if she objects, she’s the one who’s the bitch. She must not understand what it means to occupy the dance space or, to take it even further, she must not understand what it means to have a vagina.

2. Don’t assume I’m into men just because I look fly!
I’ve become very aware, talking to women on and off this campus, that one of the reasons that I’ve almost never been grinded upon inappropriately with a man is because in the dark, with my short hair and various hoodies, I look like a man. Stereotypically, feminine women are often assumed to be fair game by most grinding men. But not all “feminine” individuals are heterosexual. Grinding often implies assumptions about sexuality that might be erroneous for a number of reasons, not the least among which is because it often assumes heterosexuality is a starting point for social interaction.

3. Just because I’m here to hook up, I’m not here to hook up with you!
When a man grinds upon a woman he barely knows, he assumes that that woman is not only here to hook up, but that she is here to hook up with him explicitly. Which is especially problematic because the majority of men who resort to randomly grinding on women without asking first are generally extremely unattractive. When I say unattractive I’m not so much referring to physical ugliness (though certainly many chronic grinders are oooglay!!!!) but a grotesqueness of personality and personal politics. I question the character of any individual who actively chooses to disregard the emotions of others, especially in the context of an act that is indirectly sexual.

4. Can’t a girl just dance and have fun!
And last but not least, is it not possible for a girl to go out and have fun without having to deal with male bullshit!?

I shall conclude this article by referring to Greg Tate, a male black feminist who wrote for the anthology To Be Real, edited by Rebecca Walker. He writes in his essay about the need for men to politicize, to be allies to feminist causes not just on a macro-political level but on a micro-political level too. He writes that many assumptions about “femininity” have gone unchallenged for too long and that it is time for men to actually question those assumptions. I thoroughly agree, and quite frankly, I’m still waiting.

Lauren is a sophomore. You can reach her at lramana1@swarthmore.edu.