In the midst of a procrastination marathon, I managed to successfully binge the iconic British comedy-drama series: “My Mad Fat Diary.” Once I got over the quirky animation and edits, it was hard not to be floored by how unmeasurably good the show is. Much of the good comes from the main character, Rae Earl, a sixteen-year-old navigating life after leaving a mental hospital. Through her journey, she finds independence and self-love, and just like everyone who meets her, we (the viewers) unwittingly begin to have nothing but the utmost faith in her ability to overcome.
Before the age of ten, Rae Earl described herself as absolutely “brilliant.” When her mom’s long work hours leaves her with more alone time, dark thoughts begin to creep in, pulling her down into an endless tunnel of gloom. She begins to hate herself, calling herself “useless” and “worthless.” She begins to binge eat and harm herself, ending up in the mental hospital. She sees herself as damaged, as weak. Yet with a little help from her friends, family, and psychiatrist Kester, she rebuilds her self-esteem — brick by brick.
As the series progresses, it becomes apparent that she learns what all of us should learn in life. Rae is taught not to hide or avoid her problems, and how not to let fear rule her. Fear is a radiant, frightful presence that has controlled her, ruled her, and manipulated her actions. But, even with the catastrophe that her life can become, Kester teaches Rae that there is always a way out. There is always an option to relive. That very change is fused by the strength of believing in oneself. You cannot give what you do not have. Rae cannot be a good friend, girlfriend, daughter, sister, or student if she cannot learn to live with and trust herself. In that dark tunnel with no end in sight, one has to trust that their foot will meet solid ground. When met with the option of change — leaving Stamford and moving to Bristol — Rae admits: “I had no idea if I could make it to the end of this street, let alone Bristol.” And isn’t that the truest thing that has ever been said? The uncertainty that comes with strength sometimes leads to paralysis. But bravery is in the effort. The continuous effort of going down a road with the possibility of failure.
Rae gave me this bravery. To recognize the darkest corners of a forest, corners where I have failed and have been attacked before, and to believe that everything will be okay if only I am brave enough to shoulder through. To believe in the hardest thing anyone can ever do — change. To become only what you want to be. To realize and accept that there is nobody coming to save you. To realize that we have always had the strength to become our own savior.
