“Being a performative male means embracing women, embracing what it means to be a woman in this world, and understanding where they’re coming from,” said Nick Fettig ’26, Contestant 19 and finalist in the Performative Male Contest. “It’s being one with nature, one with women. Being one with those around you and spreading love and peace and genuine interest for people of your world, including women. Have I mentioned that I like women?”
According to Fettig, the more performative one is, the closer to genuine. Fettig has many genuine passions. His favorite feminist is Angela Davis, closely followed by musician Clairo, whose concert shirt he wore to the contest (he did not attend the concert). When asked to name three women, Fettig said, “I cannot. I’m sorry.”
On Sunday, Sept. 21, Fettig was one of 26 Swarthmore students fighting for the title of Swarthmore’s Most Performative Male. The performative male, a recently viral internet label, adopts specific fashion and interests in an attempt to impress women. He might talk at length about feminism, female pop culture icons, and the patriarchy, while positioning himself as “not like other men.” He might rhapsodize about feminism, cutting off a woman as he monologues. Or he might play Clairo on his acoustic guitar to woo a woman, only to ghost her later. While men of decades past took on hyper masculinity to attract, performative men take on a feminized look.
Accessories include vinyls from female artists, matcha lattes, feminist literature, tote bags, acoustic guitars, film cameras, and, in the case of the contest, menstrual products thrown at the largely female audience. The performative male is one of many viral social commentary trends dividing Gen Z on who is allowed to have certain interests or aesthetics and who should be publicly shamed for faking them. What separates a performative male from a catch is genuineness.
Photos by Alexander Vasquez-Jaffe
“Why fear the tote-bag-wielding, matcha-drinking performative male?” asked Rachel Connolly in The Guardian. “At least he makes an effort.” Connolly argues dressing to attract is nothing new. Furthermore, women can be performative too, and pop psychology lumping types of people into “red flags” is not reserved for the labubu-carrying man in the baggy pants. There’s the “finance guys,” the “love-bombers,” the “mommy’s boys,” to name a few. In the online world, snap judgments in dating are made in a mine field.
However, when asked about if being a performative male gives him any advantages with dating, Arfath Hossain ’27 (AKA Contestant 2), expressed outrage. “How dare you ask me that question? How dare you? Absolutely how dare you? Next question.”
So, how does one tell the good from the bad? It may have to be left to trust. Hossain said while other contestants were performative, his heart is pure. He also said men should be taxed to fund free tampons, and Swarthmore should be giving a stipend to women.
“My talent is my huge heart, actually my heart is so big that I’m in danger at times,” Hossain said. “Did you ask me about my stance on women’s rights? Just reiterating, I support women’s rights. And women’s wrongs.”
Hossain’s heart and his displayed copy of Angela Davis’s autobiography were not enough to secure him the title. The winner, Ron Comage ’29, received overwhelming audience support for his Fiona Apple recitation and large vinyl and CD collection. He also pledged to draw a portrait of female musician beabadoobee for every woman in the crowd.
“I just think we should all be more misandrist,” Comage said in the finalist panel round, calling out other contestants for referring to menstrual products with gendered terms, excluding trans men and nonbinary people. “It could really mess up things to see all these men refer to feminine products not menstrual products. It’s almost like watching a minstrel show of women.”
Could you tell me your name and your class year?
My name is Nick. I’m a senior.
What does being a performative male mean to you?
Being a performative male means embracing woman, embracing what it means to be a woman in this world, and understanding where they’re coming from. A lot of being performative is just a lack of understanding. And I’m trying to bridge the gap to understanding what’s really happening in this world.
Why do you think you’re genuine?
It’s just understanding the dichotomatic interests of women, it’s tough to really answer that question. You just have to embrace performative culture. That makes you genuine. If you go enough on the performative side, you’ll loop back around to being genuine.
What is the aesthetic of a performative male?
It’s being one with nature, one with women. Being one with those around you and spreading love and peace and genuine interest for people of your world, including women. Have I mentioned that I like women?
No. What are your thoughts on women’s rights?
Dude, without women’s rights, we have no rights at all. Women’s rights, it’s really what defines us.
What are your thoughts on women’s wrongs?
Women do no wrong. There is no such thing as women’s wrongs because women do no wrong. It’s kind of a silly question, if you don’t mind me interjecting.
Can you define dichotomy for me?
The dichotomy of woman is just like an understanding between the anti-misogynistic principles that have founded our nation and what women are trying to be, the kind of the blockage between both of those worlds, and how we can bridge the gap between those worlds, that’s really the dichotomy in my eyes. Feminist literature, there’s different ideas between what it actually means. But if you have a, if you have a great enough read the feminist literature, you kind of come to the definition that I’ve just described.
Who’s your favorite feminist?
My favorite feminist, Angela Davis. I mean, she’s turned me into who I am today. Clairo was a close second. I’m wearing her shirt right now enough you can see from the summer tour 23 unfortunately, I didn’t have a chance to go, but I did snag one of the shirts. So, you know, Clairo is up there for sure. Sorry, my matcha is spilling.
Do you have anything else you’d like to say to people who would call you performative and not genuine?
I’m really excited to have another labubu. I think the more the labubus you own, the more genuine you are. That’s the principle I’ve always lived my life by.
What do you think puts you ahead of the competition today?
I think my answers, you know, I’m really gonna it’s really performative. Performativity is not about what you wear. It’s about who you are on the inside. And so when they start asking me questions, I’m gonna be ready to go. But if you’re ready to tell them how much I love women, and tell them how much I hate period cramps, tell them how much I love being in this anti dichotomistic world and how I’m ready to take the next leap towards a better future.
Can you name three women for me?
I cannot. I’m sorry.
What’s your name and class year?
Arfath Hossain. I’m a junior.
What is it like being a performative male?
It’s great. It’s not even really a performance for me, it comes from the heart.
How can you tell if it comes from the heart?
I mean, for me, I just always knew it was from the heart. I just, I can’t speak for all these other guys, that’s up to them to figure out. Type shit.
What does being a performative male mean to you?
It means everything. Like I’m really just out here trying to support the women, all the beautiful women today, all the beautiful in the world, trying to support them, and all the men can go fuck themselves.
As a man, do you feel like it’s hard to support women and hate men?
No, no, it’s not hard. It’s our right to do so, and I think men who say it’s hard aren’t supporting women enough.
Does supporting women get you any advantages with women?
How dare you ask me that question? How dare you? Absolutely dare you next question, How dare you.
What’s the aesthetic being performative now? Like, what does it look like?
Um, just matcha. Uh, this what I’m wearing right now. The fit this is performative, but I’m doing for me, but I’m doing for me. I’m not like the other guys, yeah, yeah, I have the aesthetic, but it’s from me, like I started it, type shit, while everybody else is kind of trying to perform like me. That’s my theory. You could ask them, you got to interview them. I’m just doing this for me.
What kind of music are you doing?
A lot of claro, a lot of laufey. I listen to a lot of podcasts. You ever heard of the call her daddy podcast? Love that one. That’s one of my favorites. I read a lot of books too. I love Michelle Obama’s writing. Love Jane Austen. Things like that.
What are your thoughts on free tampons?
I have tampons. Do you want some? I carry some on me all the time. I think they should be free all the time. I think there should be a male tax to fund the tampons. That’s what people weren’t saying, because everyone’s like, free tampons, but who’s gonna pay for them? It should be the men. It should be the men.
Do you feel like Swarthmore does enough for women?
Absolutely not. Absolutely not. I think they could, um, give them a stipend, maybe, yeah, give them a stipend or something like that.
What’s your response to people who say that you’re performative and not really supporting women?
Um, I think they want to take me down because they know that I’m respected in the women community. So, you know, if they’re trying to take me down, that’s on them. You know, I’m here to support the women. That’s all I care about.
Is there anything else to say to the community?
I just gotta say I’ve got free tampons. Let me know if you see me on campus. I got you and, yeah, I’m gonna win this contest.
Do you have a talent?
A talent? My talent is my huge heart, actually my huge sometimes my heart is so big that like I’m in danger at times. That’s my talent. Did you ask me about my stance on women’s rights? Just reiterating, I support women’s rights and women’s wrongs.
