The Big Chair very well might be one of the most iconic and recognizable elements of Swarthmore. It is a logo; a monument; a mascot. A place where memories are made, bonds are formed, sex is had, and friendships are shared. Perhaps the most striking characteristic of Big Chair is its exceptional size, the other Adirondack chairs paling in comparison to its grandeur. Big Chair reigns supreme on Parrish Lawn, surveying its normal-sized chair subjects with stately contentment. Reaching towards the heavens, the splendor of its majestic height is a sight to behold.
Disappointingly though, recent research has revealed that Big Chair is actually not large at all, but is merely a normal-sized chair that just happens to be very close to you so that you perceive it as larger than it actually is.
Chair of the Department of Physics and Astronomy Professor David Cohen explained the phenomenon, saying, “An object’s size is inversely proportional to its distance from the person perceiving it. The visual angle between Big Chair and your eye is very large, because it is so close to you (approximately three feet away from your face at all times). Thus it appears to be big, when in reality it really is just as small as the other chairs.”
The school has been wasting no time taking advantage of this new revelation, implementing it into various areas of student programming and admissions. Tour guides have been instructed to bring groups of visitors closer to the chair so that it would appear larger and more impressive before them, which the admissions department hopes will make the school more attractive to prospective students.
It is perfectly understandable to be incredulous upon hearing this revelation. But you must approach it with an open mind. In fact, you can prove to yourself quite easily that this phenomenon is real: simply stand very closely to one of the chairs, and you will see that it appears to be as large as the chair you know as “Big Chair.”
There is nothing special that distinguishes Big Chair from this or any other chair, save for the fact that the former has been imbued with magical properties that allow it to simultaneously be three feet away from every single student at the same time. More research will need to be conducted regarding this particular element of the Big Chair’s existence, but for now students should be content with this massive leap in knowledge and understanding of the nature of the school.
In an email to students and faculty regarding this new report, President Smith assured the campus that “This revelation could serve as a moment of growth for our community, reminding each and every one of us of the importance of different perspectives, and serving as proof that we can all be the Big Chair, if we so desire.”
