Editor’s note: This article was initially published in The Daily Gazette, Swarthmore’s online, daily newspaper founded in Fall 1996. As of Fall 2018, the DG has merged with The Phoenix. See the about page to read more about the DG.
I am currently a junior at Swarthmore College studying Economics. “Inside the Pussy” is a column about daily awkward sexual experiences and sexual encounters. Because I am far from a sexual goddess, many of these stories will detail my flops and failures in trying to find love, recover from love, and get it on. It will be updated on a weekly basis.
So let’s talk about the first time. Some people come into college having sexual prowess. And that’s cool. I, however, was a clueless virgin when I came in, as I’m sure a lot of you are/were—although not everyone will want to admit it. I had literally never touched a penis (or a vagina—minus my own) before coming to Swat. The first time I had ever even seen a penis was while watching the movie Sex Drive in my senior year of high school. I wanted to have sex with my Quaker matchbox boyfriend the summer after my freshmen year, but had no idea how. Cosmopolitan did not prepare me for this.
I went to go buy condoms that were specifically for “female pleasure,” and purchased this whole bottle of Walgreens-brand lube. It was a frustrating process. We tried for more than a month. The movies lied! We couldn’t just “slip it in.” I would just lie on the bed like a starfish, completely scared and stiff, while he would try to get hard. Some hip-hop baby-making music played in the background. He was worried about hurting me, and I was worried about being hurt. We weren’t getting anywhere.
I went to a gynecologist, and asked her about the best way to start our sexual adventure. She was the first person who told me the 1, 2, 3 method. I was skeptical at first. The 1, 2, 3 method begins, as with all great sex, with tons of foreplay. Start out slow and move down. When I felt comfortable, he would start with one finger inside. Whenever I felt comfortable enough for more, we would try two fingers. And then, three fingers. It helped relax and prepare me until I was ready to actually do the deed. The 1, 2, 3 method is pretty much fingering until you’re ready. But it helped me perform it in a methodical and easy way. It accustomed my sacred space to having something down there.
The method worked. And the first time didn’t hurt at all—though be mindful that all women have different flowers. My matchbox boyfriend and I did the beast with two backs every day for months afterward.
More important than the 1, 2, 3 method was being with a partner who I was comfortable with at a time when I was ready. Yes, the first time is a social construct (especially if you screw other Swatties). But how you value your virginity is up to you, and all I can offer is a bit of guidance on how you want to conduct your sexual adventures. Next week: thongs!
