Sh*t Matters: Cornell 1st

Editor’s note: This article was initially published in The Daily Gazette, Swarthmore’s online, daily newspaper founded in Fall 1996. As of Fall 2018, the DG has merged with The Phoenix. See the about page to read more about the DG.

For STEM students, the private gender neutral bathroom on Cornell 1st is a common pitstop between Orgo problem sets and Bio labs.


Brandon: I actually don’t really know this bathroom. I’m more of a McCabe person myself.

Jenny: lol. More like McCage. I unfortunately took a lot of STEM courses #FormerEngineMajor #No, so I’ve had experiences with this bathroom. And I kinda hate it. I never use this bathroom anymore.

B: Sounds like you had a hard time in there. Aesthetically, I already hate it. Dark blue tiles and walls with a slightly green tint. Not very homey at all.

J: Also, that crappy fluorescent lighting from the lack of windows just makes me feel like I’m in a prison. It’s such a shame because the mirror is actually quite clean and at a nice angle.

B: Agreed! The privacy of the bathroom provides the space needed to check yourself out without the fear of someone walking in on your and your vanity.

J: Hm, lets expand on this “private” bathroom. Sure, its technically private. But guhh, using this bathroom just gives me heart palpitations. Who the hell put the printer by the bathroom?! I can hear the people outside and I bet they can hear me too. *Sigh* This completely defeats the point of having a private bathroom. ALSO. I’m perpetually scared of someone walking in on me — I wish we had the green and red signs that shows when the bathroom is occupied. Some people just DON’T knock. Rattling the door knob is such a bold move.

B: But when the need is urgent, I think the rattling expresses that urgency. So, even though it gives me a scare, it tells me that I need to get off Yik Yak because there’s someone waiting for this seat too. That said, I don’t like the printer either. Bathrooms are cool because they offer silence for five minute life contemplations. Printer sounds don’t allow for that meditative reflection.

J: That’s fair. At least the toilet paper dispenser is flat (convenient iPhone docking station), there’s also a metal shelf to put stuff on, along with an outlet by the sink…to plug in a hair dryer? Honestly, this bathroom could have been it. This bathroom could have been my dream. So much lost potential. To quote Tale of Two Cities, “I wish you to know that you have been the last dream of my soul.”

B: It definitely has its nice perks, but from the beginning, I knew this one wasn’t the one for me. It has its tampons and napkins, its outlets, privacy, and good mirror but again, the interior design is so unpleasing. Also, the weird stain on the front door is very, very questionable. I’ve already made my decision to be honest.

J: My decision was made my freshman year, when I was unbroken and naive af (though to be fair I’m still a dumb sophomore #slumpin).


This bathroom is like that guy you spotted at Clüb Delta last Saturday: there’s some potential, and he probably wasn’t the worst guy out there — but he definitely isn’t your top choice. However, he gets the job done. Cornell 1st’s bathroom is that kind of Saturday night hookup: Convenient, but not particularly private.


Shits given: 5/10

Featured Image Courtesy of http://metro.co.uk/

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