Editor’s note: This article was initially published in The Daily Gazette, Swarthmore’s online, daily newspaper founded in Fall 1996. As of Fall 2018, the DG has merged with The Phoenix. See the about page to read more about the DG.

your chic, black attire
the way you sinfully suck on that cigarette
your vampire ways make my blood go boiling hot
Wanna be the Bill to my Sookie?
—My heart pulses for you

To the guy smoking on the roof,
Our attempts at communicating did not work.
—willets 3rd lounger

Would it sound too swattie if I say it was your paper that first attracted me to you?
I want to be good friends with you and I think we can-
but somehow I become so shy around you and find myself expecting something more than just being friends.
But I just want to let you know – though you might already know – “I’m impressed by you.”
—shy swattie

The purple hatted bartender is spoken for.
That being said, everyone likes to feel desired every now and again.
The love is greatly appreciated.
—never too much love, in response to Kinky Swattie’s MC last week

You opened two sets of doors in Parrish for me the other evening because I was carrying a huge, cumbersome box. I never got your name, but thank you so much for that!
—It was a chair I’d ordered online

Even though nobody listens to WSRN, I turn on the live listening every Saturday from 4 to 6.
Your sexy voice and your seductive Spanish thrills me so.
Every time I stare at my phone dialing 610.328.8335 I am too afraid to call.
Quiero tu seras mi tutora.
—#1 Fan

Your comments are sometimes idiotic, sometimes on point, always relatively funny
I don’t know you are
and don’t really care to know
but I vote you up every time.
—avid comment thread procrastinator

Hey boy I bump into at Tarble
My grill is open past 1030 every night
—jonesing for a hot panini

Ok, so I didn’t “totally own” your team
at the Paces Cafe Disney Princess Quiz-o
(who the hell knows the way to Neverland, anyway?)
hope we can all still be friends
—still a little bitter

Have your own what could have beens?
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