Friday, February 28, 2003

by Jeremy Schifeling (Point) and Pei Pei Liu (Counterpoint)

POINT

First of all, let me begin with another minor confession: I *have* actually
done Screw before. Shocking, I know. After all, this is almost a complete
betrayal of my critical motto: “Expertise through ignorance.” But though my
credibility on this issue would now appear to be totally shot, I will ask
you to stick with me for a second. Because the fact of the matter is that,
unlike Hugh Grant movies, Screw is an event that is enhanced by actual
experience. And unlike Pei Pei, I’ve got experience in spades!

Not just any experiences, mind you – we’re talking powerful, life-changing
experiences. Like the time I whacked my Screw date with a big wooden stick
while trying to defend the Condiment Bar from ketchup-hating evildoers. Or
the time that I was slow-dancing at the Screw party and fell asleep, only
to dream that I was Screech from “Saved by the Bell” and had finally won a
dance with the divine Lisa Turtle. Yeah, Screw can definitely change your
life. Forever.

OK, so that last paragraph didn’t really make any sense. But maybe that’s
just the point: That Screw, to an outside observer, or a Nobel
Prize-winning economist, or an intelligent monkey, doesn’t make any sense.
And it doesn’t have to. Because it’s something to be done, not thought
about. And even if you try to think about it, you’ll only make your head
hurt. Ouch!

So I guess what I’m saying is, “Give Screw a shot.” You won’t be that
sorry. Oh, and please disregard anything that Pei Pei has to say. Sure,
she’ll be persuasive and coherent, and maybe even charming. But so was I
before I first went to Screw. And now look at me!

COUNTERPOINT

Don’t let all the talk fool you.

Disguised as a lighthearted activity, Screw is actually an ancient
institutional torture device designed to leave you vulnerable to the
diabolical schemes of your roommates, friends, and certain co-editors who
shall remain nameless. I’m not saying Screw is totally bad; I know many
people who’ve had very pleasant Screw experiences-and Jeremy will try to
convince you that his Condiment Ninja Screw was one of them, though I think
the fact that he wrote all that after Pub Nite has definitely skewed his
memory.

But to get back to my central point, it’s not the dates themselves that are
the problem, it’s the people behind the scenes. There are just certain
people who should not be allowed within twenty feet of a Screw situation.
In the wrong hands, the tradition simply gives these miscreants leave to
taunt you on a daily basis, masking their ill intentions behind an innocent
facade. Under normal circumstances, would you trust your Saturday night
plans to an Icelandic funny-face with a penchant for matchmaking? I think not.

Oh, how I yearn for my un-Screwed years of old. But alas, come Saturday
evening I will be putting myself through whatever humiliating machinations
my Screw Axis of Evil has concocted for me. All in the name of tradition.
Well, screw Screw, I say, and escape the dangerous clutches of all the
aspiring Yentes on campus. Right? Of course right! You’ll be glad you did.

*****

by Aude Scheuer
Gazette News Reporter

“According to some Greek myth, my screw date and I were presumed to be in a
mist, and had to rely on a twisting long rope spanning half of the campus
to find each other, which is actually not that tough. But when I saw that
my roommate (a.k.a. Sarah) was ready to blindfold me, I knew that she was
‘taking revenge’–I [had] got her a cow suit [for her Screw].”
–Yijun (Crystal) Li ’05

“We just dressed up as bandits and I had a large pink stuffed snake that
belonged to her, she had a board game that belonged to me.”
–Nick Guerette ’05

“I had to find a kangaroo and I was supposed to know the person, but I
didn’t at all. It was a lot of fun.”
–Anonymous

“My freshman year I dressed up as a fisherman and I was fishing for my
Screw date, which meant that I had to find every individual letter of the
first and second name of my screw date. And this was two weeks before Screw
because I was going to be out of town. So no one knew what I was doing. And
I found all fifteen of them and I couldn’t figure out who it was. They
finally had to tell me.”
–Anonymous

“I was part of a Spice Girl group, we didn’t have to do anything, and there
were the boys who were *NSYNC and they were supposed to dance on the tables
to the video, but there was no music. And my roommate was a Ghostbuster and
her date was Marshmallow Puff Man. It was fun – there was lots of shaving
cream everywhere.”
–Wuryati Morris ’04

“All I had to do was walk around with a sheep backpack. The other person
had to be Little Bo Peep and that was funny.”
–Anonymous

*****

* Iraq informed the United Nations on Thursday that it will destroy its Al
Samoud 2 missiles. The announcement comes after Hans Blix, chief UN weapons
inspector, requested that they destroy the missiles by Saturday. However
Iraq gave no indication that they would follow that deadline, and instead
said that they were not aware of how exactly to destroy them.

* Due to concerns about the economy support for President Bush has fallen.
A new CNN/Gallup poll reports that less than half of American voters would
cast their ballot for Bush in 2004. This is the first time that the number
of Bush supporters has fallen below fifty percent. However the President
still has an advantage over his Democratic opponents, who only 39 percent
of voters said they would support.

* Fred Rogers died on Thursday in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania at the age of 74.
He is best known as the star of the show “Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood” which
ran from 1967 to 2001, entertaining several generations of American
children in the process.

*****

Friday:

Lecture “Black History Month: An Idea Whose Time Has Come”
Given by Dr. Ella Forbes
BCC, 12:00 p.m.

Lezley Saar: Mulatto Nation
Exhibition tour and dialogue with the artist
LPAC – List Gallery, 12:00 p.m.

Co/Motion Informational Meeting
Parrish 370, 12:30 p.m.

Physics & Astronomy department summer research opportunities presentations
Dupont 133, 4:00 p.m.

Lezley Saar: Mulatto Nation
Artist’s lecture
LPAC Cinema, 4:30 p.m.

Inflight rock band performance
Sharples small room, 5:30 p.m.

Lezley Saar: Mulatto Nation
Gallery opening
LPAC – List Gallery, 5:30 p.m.

Shabbat Services and Dinner
Bond – Memorial Hall, 5:30 p.m.

Movie: East Palace, West Palace (Chinese with English sub-titles)
Sponsored by SQU
IC – 7:30 p.m.

Movie: Himalaya by Eric Valli (Nepal/Tibet)
Sponsored by the International Club
SCCS Lounge, 8:00 p.m.

Movie: The Virgin Suicides
LPAC Cinema, 7:30 p.m. and 10:00 p.m.

Cycling Club Movie Night
Kohlberg 228, 8:00 p.m.

Saturday:

Biology Department garage sale
Martin 101, 9:00 a.m.

Worship sharing concerns related to the threat of war
Friends Meeting House, 10:00 a.m.

Women in Science dinner
Sharples Room 6, 6:00 p.m.

Vertigo-go pre-screw show
Kohlberg Coffee Bar, 8:30 p.m.

Screw Your Roommate Formal, “A Night in Hollywood”
Upper Tarble, 10:00 p.m.

Sunday:

Breakfast and Meeting for Worship
Friends Meeting House, 9:30 a.m.

Sunday Mass
Bond – Memorial Hall, 11:00 a.m.

Scottish Music Workshop
Lang Music Building Lobby, 4:00 p.m.

Meeting for Worship
Bond – Common Worship Room, 5:00 p.m.

Study with a SAM
Trotter 302 and 201, 7:00 p.m.

Orchestra 2001: Chinese Visions
Lang Concert Hall, 7:30 p.m.

———-
Monday, March 3, 2003, 7:30pm

Monday Night Lecture Series “Racial Justice: Speak Truth to Power”
sponsored by Pendle Hill Quaker Center
brings you Nancy Richardson, associate dean for ministry at Harvard
Divinity School
Arch Street Meeting House, 4th and Arch Streets, Philadelphia

Why Racial Justice Matters for White Folks – White privilege is not only a
matter of social inequality. It creates a fragmented self, even for those
in privileged positions, and ultimately prevents full participation in our
culture.

Nancy Richardson is associate dean for ministry at Harvard Divinity School,
has a background in campus ministry, community organizing, and urban
ministry. She has written and lectured widely on anti-racism education and
organizing and feminist perspectives on theological education.

The Swat men’s tennis team soundly defeated Mercyhurst 8-1 on Thursday
afternoon at the Mullan Center. The team swept the doubles matches with an
8-2 win by Frank Visciano and Zac Rodd, an 8-5 win by Mike Noreika and
Justin Singer, and an 8-2 win by Jayson Yost and Ben Rae. Visciano, Singer,
Rodd and Rae all won their singles matches as well, with an additional
singles win by Brian Park. The team improved its record to 2-3 with the win.

*****

Today:
Badminton at Mid-Atlantic Tournament, 6:00 p.m.

Saturday:
Badminton at PA State Tournament at Albright, 9:00 a.m.
Men’s tennis hosts Carnegie Mellon, 10:00 a.m.
Track and field at Centennial Conference Championships at Ursinus, 12:30 p.m.
Men’s lacrosse at Stevens Tech, 1:00 p.m.
Men’s rugby hosts Widener, 1:00 p.m.
Women’s tennis hosts Carnegie Mellon, 2:00 p.m.

Sunday
Track and field at Centennial Conference Championships at Ursinus, 10:30 a.m.

*****

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“I know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe, and
someone said I was a snake, I’d think, no, actually I’m a giraffe.”
–Richard Gere

*****
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