Thursday, March 21, 2002

by Pei Pei Liu
Section Editor

Members of the college community packed into Kohlberg 116 last night to witness
this year’s Latke-Hamantaschen Debate, sponsored by Ruach. Abram Lipman ’03
introduced the speakers, “whose unwavering dedication to their Jewish foods
of choice is both admirable and slightly disturbing.” History professor
Bob Weinberg spoke on behalf of the hamantaschen, a triangular pastry filled
with fruit or poppyseeds, while economics professor Mark Kuperberg defended
the latke, a fried potato pancake.

Professor Weinberg spoke first, arguing that, from a historian’s view, the
hamantaschen is clearly more significant historically and linguistically than
the latke. He detailed the linguistic origin of “hamantaschen” from
“ham in tushie” following an ugly confrontation between two aspiring
nativity scene re-enactors which culminated in one man stuffing cold cuts into
various orifices of the other man. This, Weinberg said, was a crucial turning
point for Jewish history in the idea of receiving “ham in tushie”
as “just desserts.” With the term already in circulation, he explained,
it was an obvious choice of name for the later inspired invention of a poppyseed
alternative to the ham-in-a-pocket.

Weinberg then stated that, as the potato was a New World crop that did not
appear in eastern Europe until the latter half of the eighteenth century, it
and the latkes that derived from it had “no more relation to our past than
shopping at Talbot’s.” Furthermore, he argued, as opposed to the dramatic
origins of the hamantaschen, the latke’s conception was “very humble and
slightly seedy, if not morally suspect.” Although Weinberg admitted that
he “recognize[d] and enjoy[ed] potatoes,” particularly when mashed,
he found the latke an “inferior and plebeian” construction, whereas
hamantaschen is “a little bit of heaven on earth.”

Upon taking the podium, Kuperberg admitted that he lacked the historical knowledge
of his colleague but announced that he had brought along an expert to aid in
his defense of the latke. With that, Kuperberg introduced Mr. Potato Head to
rousing applause from the audience.

“On behalf of my species,” Mr. Potato Head declared in a high-pitched
voice, “we are proud to be made into latkes. There is no higher calling
for a potato. We live only to serve.”

Mr. Potato Head was quick to launch into criticism of the hamantaschen, explaining
that its true origin lay in George Washington’s crossing of the Delaware River,
where soldiers fashioned the three-cornered pastries after the style of their
own hats. Besides, he argued, “what kind of pastry is named after a fifth
century Saddam Husein? You can dress that thing up all you want, but it’s just
prunes!”

Mr. Potato Head also pointed out the inherent superiority of Chanukah, the
holiday for which latkes are traditionally made, to the hamantaschen’s Purim.
“It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness,” he said.
“You have to be, like, a religious fanatic to know what Purim is. And,”
he added, “what kind of holiday doesn’t have presents?” He concluded
by denouncing Purim as a “pagan, Jewish version of Mardi Gras” that
is “destroying Judaism” and should be “wiped out.”

The debate was then opened for questions, most of which were directed at Mr.
Potato Head. In response to a question on which food is more economically viable,
Mr. Potato Head replied, “Not everything is economics. Some things are
right and wrong. Like, latkes are right and hamantaschen is wrong, get it?”

To which Weinberg retorted, “Potatoes are dirty. They spend their whole
life in the dirt.” Not to be outdone, Mr. Potato Head countered: “At
least when you cook us up, we don’t taste like a hockey puck.”

Other audience members wanted to know how the speakers felt about the Irish
and Roman Catholic association with potatoes, including how the latke and hamantaschen
were affected by the potato blight and migration. Mr. Potato Head answered,
“We are ecumenical. We support diversity. We serve all humanity; we distinguish
none. Our particular affinity for latkes does not diminish our loyalty to boiled
potatoes in Ireland.”

Weinberg, however, had a different view: “More people were hoodwinked
into thinking the potato was perfectly healthy to eat, when in fact, everyone
knows it is healthier to eat a food drenched in butter.”

On that note, the debate closed, with all three speakers being warmly thanked
and applauded. No official vote was taken, but audience members were given the
opportunity to partake in their own personal preference at the refreshment table.

* A car bomb explosion near the U.S. Embassy in Lima, Peru killed seven people
yesterday. Reports indicate that the bomb went off outside a bank in a shopping
center four blocks from the Embassy, and that several buildings and vehicles
were damaged in the blast. The accident occurred three days before President
Bush is scheduled to visit the city, his first visit to South America since
taking office. U.S. officials were unable to comment immediately on the victims
or anyone claiming responsibility for the attack.

* The U.S. Senate passed the campaign finance reform legislation on a 60-40
vote yesterday, and President Bush has assured he will sign the measure, which
was approved five weeks ago by the House of Representatives. The bill would
prohibit “soft money,” or unlimited contributions from outside sources
to a national political party, thereby doing away with the hundreds of millions
of dollars that the Democratic and Republican national parties have previously
received through “soft money.” The measure would also restrict the
national parties’ ability to contribute to state and local parties and would
double the regulated contributions, known as “hard money,” to $2,000
for each congressional and presidential candidate. Opponents are planning to
challenge the bill, claiming it violates citizens’ constitutional right of freedom
of speech.

* The federal government is planning to question 3,000 recently-emigrated foreign
nationals on terrorism, despite the fact that an initial report indicated that
few had any knowledge or information concerning September 11. Attorney General
John Ashcroft claims that the questioning process will alert potential terrorists
of the law enforcement’s surveillance and may deter them from attack, but the
move is being denounced by many groups as racial profiling because it targets
male Arabs and Muslims. Congressmen and law enforcement officials have also
criticized the program, saying that it is distracting the government from the
real perpetrators of September 11 and fostering distrust in communities. Ashcroft
emphasized that the 3,000 individuals are not suspects in terrorist activities
and that they will be interviewed voluntarily over the next two months.

*****

Reading by Justin Cronin, Author of “Mary and O’Neil”
and the Announcement of the William Plumer Potter Fiction Awards
Scheuer Room – Kohlberg, 4:15 p.m.

“Mitosis, Meiosis, and Memorization: The Central Processes of Biology?”
by Adam Fagan, Cell/Genetics Candidate
Kirby Lecture Hall – Martin, 4:15 p.m.

Internship and Summer Job Search Workshop
Trotter 301, 4:15 p.m.

“What is the Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation and
Why Must it be Closed?”
US Foreign Policy in Latin America – Discussion and Slide Show Sponsored by
Solidaridad
Kohlberg 115, 4:30 p.m.

Screening of “Returning Home: The Building of a Bosnian Village”
with Tone Bringa, University of Bergen, Norway and US Institute of Peace
LPAC Cinema, 4:30 p.m.

Information Session on Empowerment Group, an AmeriCorps Program
Kohlberg 202, 7:00 p.m.

Hong Kong Movie Night: “Full Contact”
SCCS Lounge, 7:30 p.m.

“The Living Museum: Organizing Community-Based Ethnotourism on Taquile
Island, Lake Titicaca, Peru”
by Juan Quispe Huatta, Promoter of Culture and Tourism
Scheuer Room – Kohlberg, 7:30 p.m.

Oscar and Emily A Cappella Show
Mephistos – Willets, 8:00 p.m.

*****

SPORTS UPDATE

by Pat Quinn
Gazette Sportswriter

The men’s lacrosse team easily handled Elizabethtown in the rain yesterday,
defeating the Blue Jays 17-10. Elizabethtown, which is only in their second
year as a team, proved too young and inexperienced to play against an increasingly
solidified Swarthmore squad. The Garnet, in their best offensive showing this
season, appeared to have begun working much more cohesively as a team, on both
sides of the field.

Senior Captain Blake Atkins picked up 13 ground balls and put two into the
back of the net. The team’s star face-off man, Atkins won nearly all his face-offs
again, giving Swarthmore an important advantage in such a high scoring match.

Swarthmore took advantage of the Blue Jay’s uncoordinated team defense by running
many isolation plays, pitting one of their better offensemen against a weaker
Elizabethtown player. Using the isolation and many unsettled situations, Joseph
DeSimone ’04 and John Murphy ’03 each scored five goals to lead the team in
victory.

Defensively, the Garnet looked stronger than ever, with longpole Kevin Perry
’04 physically dominating the field. The defense also executed team defense
well, sliding to assist troubled Garnet players smoothly. Noted freshman midfielder
Tom Coughlin, “We crushed a lot of their offensive attempts as a team.”

In their first game back from a spring break trip to Florida, the team improves
its record to 4-3. Swarthmore next faces a menacing Gettysburg squad in an away
game this Saturday – their first Centennial Conference matchup of the season

******

The men’s tennis team continued their streak of dominating play, defeating
Salisbury University by a score of 5-2 yesterday. Senior John Thomas, junior
Jayson Yost, sophomore Frank Visciano and freshman Justin Durand were all singles
winners, while the teams of Visciano and Thomas, Yost and Justin Singer ‘03,
and Ben Rae ’04 and Mike Noreika ’03 were victorious in their doubles
matches.

The team’s record now stands at 7-2. They will next be in action on Saturday,
when they travel to Mary Washington for a 1:30 contest.

******

In their first Centennial Conference match of the season, the women’s
tennis team was defeated by Muhlenberg, 8-1. Sophomore Anjani Reddy was the
sole winner in first singles for the Garnet, whose next match will take place
against Franklin and Marshall on Friday.

******

The home opener for the women’s lacrosse team, scheduled to be played
against the College of Notre Dame of Maryland, was postponed due to rain. No
makeup date has been set as of yet.

******

* Michael Jordan scored just seven points in his first game after undergoing
knee surgery on February 27, but his teammate Richard Hamilton scored 30, leading
the Washington Wizards to a 107-75 rout of the Denver Nuggets on Wednesday.
Jordan came off the bench and played for 16 minutes, finishing 2-for-9 with
two assists, two steals and a rebound. It was the first time since April 5,
1986 that he played but was not in the starting lineup. The Wizards have won
three of their last four and are now two and a half games behind Charlotte for
the final playoff spot in the Eastern Conference.

* The Los Angeles Lakers suffered their second double-digit loss in as many
nights on Wednesday, falling to the San Antonio Spurs 108-90. Tim Duncan led
the Spurs’ offense with 25 points, and their defense held LA’s Shaquille
O’Neal to only two baskets for the entire game. Kobe Bryant led the Lakers with
20 points but went cold after five-for-six shooting in the opening period. The
Lakers had won their last six games against the Spurs before Wednesday, including
a four-game sweep in last year’s Western Conference finals. The victory
extends San Antonio’s undefeated streak to ten games, the longest current
winning streak in the NBA.

* According to Franklin County Coroner Brad Lewis, who performed the autopsy
on Brittanie Cecil, the 13-year-old girl who was struck in the forehead by a
deflected hocky puck at an NHL game and later died, the fatal injury was not
caused by the impact itself but by tearing of a major artery which runs from
the spine to the back of the brain, which was damaged when Cecil’s head
snapped back. The tearing led to clotting in the artery and swelling of the
brain, which eventually led to the teenager’s death on Monday afternoon,
two days after she sustained the injury at a game between the Columbus Blue
Jackets and the Calgary Flames. The Blue Jackets will have a moment of silence
in Cecil’s memory before their home game against the Detroit Red Wings
tomorrow night and will wear stickers printed with Cecil’s initials on
their helmets for the remainder of the season. They have also agreed to help
publicize the Brittanie Cecil Fund, a memorial fund set up by the Cecil family.

*****

Today:
Softball at Arcadia, 4:00 p.m.

Tomorrow:
Women’s Tennis at F&M, 3:00 p.m.

*****

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“A compliment is like a kiss through a veil.”
–Victor Hugo

*****
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