Editor’s note: This article was initially published in The Daily Gazette, Swarthmore’s online, daily newspaper founded in Fall 1996. As of Fall 2018, the DG has merged with The Phoenix. See the about page to read more about the DG.
On Sunday, March 29, six Swarthmore students took the deer cull situation into their own hands and marched into the Crum fully loaded.
“I was tired of waiting around for a decision to be made. These deer needed to go,” said Chris Compton, ’09. Compton led the five other students into the Crum early Sunday morning and the squad spent the next few hours stalking through the woods picking off deer. “It was intense,” said freshman Andrew Greenblatt, “After a while we just started firing at everything that moved. I felt like Rambo – those deer didn’t even know what hit them.”
It was a constant challenge for the group, as the deer proved to be worthy adversaries. “There were a few times I thought a deer might have gotten away. They’re fast animals. It turns out bullets are faster though,” said sophomore Jeff Radnor.
To make things more competitive, the team created a point system. “Deer were 10 points, squirrels were five and birds were four,” explained freshman Michael Giannangeli, who collected the most points, “But I got 20 points for banking one bullet off a deer into a squirrel.” So what pushed these six students to take such violent action?
“I was really concerned about the effect of these deer on the environment,” said junior Ryan Deere, “something had to be done to protect the ecosystems in the Crum.”
“I never pass up shooting a gun,” said Greenblatt, “plus I’m tired of Pasta Bar at Sharples.”
“I’m a Republican,” said Giannangeli.
Regardless of motives, there was no doubt the mission was a success. The team was seen lugging out carcass after carcass from the Crum and into Sharples for the first Bambi Bar. Students hailed the new venison option and lines stretched past the stairs. (The leftovers will not go to waste, but will be used in tonight’s VegOut takeover.) Some students even talked about perhaps starting a club that would take part in a hunt every year.
“I’d love to see this continued after I’m gone,” said Compton, “This meat is delicious and the deer population is down. Everyone wins.”
Thank goodness April Fool's comes only once a year?
I wish this were for real.
This is great