Editor’s note: This article was initially published in The Daily Gazette, Swarthmore’s online, daily newspaper founded in Fall 1996. As of Fall 2018, the DG has merged with The Phoenix. See the about page to read more about the DG.
We get it. “Sharpshits” (Sharples shits) are real. This is why we’re here for you.
Everyone has to do the deed, and a good bathroom is like a good bae: always there for you, consistent, and there to support you through all your shit. For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till graduation do you apart.
We are here, as a dynamic duo, to review all the bathrooms in search of the best places to drop your deuces.
Brandon: KK, so I’m sitting here in the stall…
Jenny: Hey! I’m sitting in the super big one — idk, I just like the space.
Brandon: Me too! So, even though there’s a lot of space in here, I can see the feet of the guy next to me. I wonder if they can see mine?
Jenny: Does that bother you?
Brandon: It does. It really does. Like, right now, the guy’s wiping and you could tell, BECAUSE of his feet.
Jenny: I’m ok with seeing feet — it’s just awkward to hear people breathe through the pain of sharpshits. I wish it were socially acceptable for me to offer an encouraging word from my stall. Like I feel you man, I feel you so hard. Just breathe and let it gooooooo.
Brandon: I’m with you. I also hate the weirdly not-so-thin slit of the stall. I already hate awkward eye contact at Swarthmore, and the situation is probably 100x worse when I’m taking a shit and the other person… well isn’t.
Jenny: Well at least the toilet paper dispensers are the flat ones — great place to put my phone. Also, the location is convenient and the female bathroom has a great ledge to put your backpack. And during the day theres great lighting — all my flaws are so visible. Its great.
Brandon: Same here! Good hook for the backpack, good lighting for selfies (#MyspaceProfilePic), and overall amazing cleanliness!
Jenny: The only thing is that during the day between classes in the morning, there’s a higher level of traffic and sometimes a line– not the best place to take a leisurely shit.
Brandon: Well at least the sinks are nice. Multiple soap dispensers, huge mirror to check yo’self out, and the option of either the dryer or paper towel dispenser.
Jenny: Yeah, I can actually get close to the mirror without the sink in the way — great way to touch up on makeup. My only issue is the awkward placement of the paper towel dispenser in the female bathroom.
Brandon: What do you mean?
Jenny: There’s only one right next to the sink. So every time I’m at that sink, I have to lean to the side at least once so another girl can get the paper towel.
Brandon: Oh my god. Another person walked in. Can we wrap this up with final thoughts?
Jenny: Aiight, see you outside.
Overall, this is a pretty solid bathroom. It has a great location, is consistently clean, and has good lighting. In terms of layout, it could be better. While this is a great place at night, the high traffic of the day still makes it a pretty busy bathroom- not the best choice if you’re in a rush or in need of a peaceful shit.
Shits given: 7.5/10
Featured Image Courtesy of http://metro.co.uk/2015/03/14/youll-never-be-able-to-use-the-poop-emoji-the-same-way-again-5103638/