Editor’s note: This article was initially published in The Daily Gazette, Swarthmore’s online, daily newspaper founded in Fall 1996. As of Fall 2018, the DG has merged with The Phoenix. See the about page to read more about the DG.
Swarthmore decided to add a new sport to its athletics roster at the past weekend’s Board of Managers meeting. In order to truly inspire track runners and to utilize the school’s abundant wildlife and plentiful natural resources, the Athletics department plans to light the Crum on fire and have killer squirrels hunt varsity athletes across campus.