Fletcher Wortmann

Harder, better, faster, something

Calling it “Parrish Beach” is kind of cruel, isn’t it? It’s a nice stretch of lawn, but calling it a beach has certain implications; the smell of fresh ocean salt, the sand and the cigarette butts bet…

It's closing time for Fletcher Wortmann

It’s funny, but there have been times when I’ve felt like Swat would last forever. Even now I’m having difficulty accepting that the end is really here. But however I try to deny it the fact remains. …

Celebrating 150 glorious years of indie rock

From seventh grade on, I attended the improbably-named Beaver Country Day School. It should not surprise regular readers of this column that Teen Fletcher did not straddle triumphant the apex of the a…

Video games? Gotta catch 'em all, my fellow junkies

We all have vices, and in the wild world of college, we are instructed to indulge them shamelessly. But, of course, this is Swarthmore, and the strongest narcotic available is free ibuprofen distribu…

A comprehensive guide to Swarthmore relationships

It is an unfortunate consequence of The Phoenix’s ‘no-pseudonym’ policy that none of our columnists feel comfortable writing a romantic advice column. In the past, brave souls would offer to our commu…

Gonzo wizard journalism: battling against Voldemort

On Thursday, Sept. 18, 2008, I noticed an 8 1/2½ by 11 piece of paper taped to the door of the Kohlberg lounge. Underneath a prominent MTV logo, it explained in small print that by entering the buil…

A plea, a warning, a question

Every year I return here and inevitably, inexplicably, there are teenagers here.

This confuses me, because everyone else tries to escape Swarthmore at the first available opportunity. Prospective stu…

The other Jolt that keeps you up at night

It happened that, recently, I found myself thinking of the lamented Daily Jolt Swarthmore message board. It was in a moment of mild boredom last spring that I first accessed it. Due to my class schedu…

The great 'chalking controversy' controversy 2006

An open letter to the editors of The Phoenix:

Before I begin, I would like to make it clear that it is not my intention to set myself up as some kind of moral ideal. Far from it. I am open about my pe…

The secret weapon for a very successful LSE

With the recent announcement of this semester’s Large Scale Event, it seems reasonable that we should turn our attention to the affair. The LSE is a significant financial investment as well as a maj…

Pterodactylipse now: Swatties enter battle

I think it is fair to say that Swarthmore is somewhat insular. Perhaps it’s because of our intellectual standards or our heavy workload, but for whatever reason, it’s easy here to ignore the outside w…

Facebook is watching you ... and taking notes

I believe that it is the responsibility of the writer to address issues of consequence. So as each generation struggles to remake its world, it is the writers who must put the conflict to paper, as Ke…

A few words of wisdom to the new student

I remember my first days here. I felt overwhelmed. Frightened, certainly, but fascinated, almost intoxicated. There is a certain quality to this place; the world is changed here. I feel it in the wate…

Reflections on the noble, maddening art of the Theater

It is a cloudless late-April afternoon, and I am at my laptop behind the stage in the Swarthmore amphitheater. The weather is fine — slightly humid, but still fair. A small fly, dying in midair, has (…

Screw Disneyland, Swarthmore is the happiest place on earth

I remember my first days here. I felt overwhelmed. Frightened, certainly, but fascinated, almost intoxicated. There is a certain quality to this place; the world is changed here. I feel it in the wate…

My Swat in 2025

“Dear Students,

The College is about to launch a planning process designed to set imaginative goals for the Swarthmore of 2025. We have constituted a planning committee to guide that process and, on…

'The Awkward' epidemic hits campus

College campuses are not healthy places to live, and Swarthmore is no exception to this.

I do not refer to the obvious dangers of college life; not to the watery low-alcohol-content beer or the safe s…

Goddamn column due

While I enjoy spending time at Swarthmore College, it occurs to me that the school might make it easier for its students to return to it. It is not enough, apparently, that we must suffer the admissio…