Abigail Graber

This 'Jumper' falls to the lowest depths

Spring Break may be officially over, but for many of us, one week was entirely too little time to secure the necessary levels of brain-rot we require to sustain ourselves through two more months of ri…

'Hero' struggles to rise beyond the past

For a drama championing the glory of suffering for ideals, the great tragedy of “Hero” isn’t that lovers are forced into deadly conflict or that worthy characters come senselessly under the sword. Tha…

No guts, no glory, no reason to see 'Interpreter'

According to my top-secret, critics-only repository of movie information (i.e., the IMDB trivia section), Nicole Kidman agreed to star in “The Interpreter” before reading the script.

Bad idea, Ms.…

'Sahara': Indiana Jones, but all dried up

Here’s my theory about “Sahara”: Some combination of two or three of its four credited screenwriters wrote a screenplay for a semi-serious action thriller. They got to the thrilling climax, and then r…

'Cellar' doesn't dig quite deep enough

A film festival is no place for a critic. Cynicism just seems so out of place. After all, these movies were not commercially packaged. They were selected, undoubtedly, through a grueling trial by fire…

Sin City: Dismemberment never looked this good

Sick: 1. affected by physical or mental illness. 2. feeling nauseous and wanting to vomit. 3. having abnormal or unnatural tendencies; perverted. 4. (of humour) dealing offensively with unpleasant sub…

"Miss Congeniality 2" not that fabulous

In 2000’s “Miss Congeniality,” FBI agent Gracie Hart, played by Sandra Bullock, was a painfully blunt, hygienically oblivious, chew-with-your-mouth-open kind of gal. She may have been hauled kic…

A cold shoulder for 'Ice Princess'

“Ice Princess” packs an awful lot into its slim time frame. In just over ninety minutes, it manages to insult the entire teen population of America, demean both the effort of professional athletes and…

'Robots' revives used parts

If there’s one thing “Robots” proves, it’s that DreamWorks is a looming obstacle in Pixar’s dastardly quest for world domination. “Robots” stars an assortment of inventive gadgetry and thingamagigs th…

Keanu gets campy

If you’ve seen the previews, you know what “Constantine” is about. You know what the special effects are going to be like. You know that Keanu Reeves is in it, and you know what that means.

At l…

Oscar and the movie milieu

January fell on the 2004 movie season, as January so often does, with all the grace and pizzazz of boiled asparagus. Films started out so badly (Exhibit A: “Chasing Liberty”) that intrepid reviewers d…

Hitch: Starring Will Smith as Will Smith

Will Smith has yet to play a character who could not easily substitute for, well, Will Smith in “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.” I can never watch a Will Smith movie without expecting to find Geoffrey t…

This 'Wedding Date' ripe for a divorce

Ten minutes into “The Wedding Date,” I scribbled down my predictions for the plot: Debra Messing and her hired date will fall for each other. They will be briefly, tragically separated by the renewed …

'Million Dollar Baby' almost a knockout

In the land where the slow Southern drawl dictates not only the pace of dialogue but the pace of life, where the only colors of prominence are brown, beige and taupe, and where the Warner Brothers log…

A review for your consideration

Christopher Guest comedies (“Spinal Tap,” “Waiting For Guffman,” “Best in Show”) are exemplary displays of showbiz’s bottomless well of absurdity. It could only be so long before Guest made it to Holl…

Truth is more entertaining than 'Fiction,' and cheaper, too

This is a movie review about a movie about a novel about a man named Harold Crick. Harold Crick is just as dull as a man named Harold Crick ought to be. He counts his footsteps to the bus. He does lon…

Some magic in 'Prestige'

Some movies require a certain suspension of belief. For “The Prestige,” among others, you must suspend the belief that movie-watching should be enjoyable. Is your idea of a good time two hours spent w…

'Departed' arrives with success

The Man gives Martin Scorsese a call. “Martin,” the Man says, “you know I love you. Ever since you came over to my side and stopped doing those ridiculously low-budget, artistically fulfilling, small,…

All The King's Men: Nothing could put it together again

Thoughts Before the Film: I could go see “Jackass: Number Two,” but then I would have to commit ritual suicide in shame. “All the King’s Men” looks good. It’s adapted from a novel. That means it’s dee…

Don't rush to see 'August'

“I believe in music the way some people believe in fairy tales,” begins Evan, the 11 year-old orphaned narrator of “August Rush.” Audiences, be alert, for we have been given fair warning: abandon all …

'American Gangster' makes an offer movie watchers can't refuse

The making of “American Gangster” deserves an entire movie of its own. Since 2004, at least three directors, two sets of screenwriters and an ever-rotating galaxy of movie stars have been attached to …

Michael Clayton is the anti-Erin Brokovich

Do you remember the 2000 movie season? Have you compulsively watched every Oscar broadcast since, desperately trying to crowd from your memory the underwhelming, genre films that headlined that year? …

Promoting hate speech

Freeing Speech, the editorial from last week’s edition of The Phoenix, was one of the most disappointing and upsetting pieces of journalism that I have ever read on the Swarthmore campus. The article …

'Universe' makes for mindless eye candy

Julie Taymor excels at making horror beautiful and beauty meaningful. Art-house audiences have high expectations for the director whose “Titus” revamped Shakespeare’s slasher-porn into high art and wh…

Don't discriminate against those who respectfully disagree

Last Wednesday, a student invited me to the protest against the CIA. I declined and stated that I was possibly interested in working for the CIA, which I believed a person could do with his/her integr…

The Phoenix guide to Academy Awards 2006

For those of you who took an extra-long time blinking once and missing “Babel” in theaters; for those of you who skipped “Letters from Iwo Jima” because “Flags of Our Fathers” fulfilled your yearly qu…

'The Last King of Scotland' is cinematic royalty

It’s an unfortunate sign of the times that, knowing nothing about Uganda, any filmgoer of minimal savvy knows that “The Last King of Scotland” won’t be puppies and sunshine. Seriously, when was the la…

'Leatherheads' fumbles

Maybe it was the plinkety Charlie Chaplin soundtrack in the background; maybe it was the way the whole world onscreen seemed to radiate golden light; maybe it was George Clooney’s cheesy grimace as he…

Horton hears a success

As if every 6-year-old in America didn’t already know, Hollywood has finally come back around to the notion that animation is the natural cinematic medium for the classics of Dr. Seuss. “Horton Hears …

Advisors play a crucial role

We would like to respond to Julian Chender’s column from March 20, entitled “MSA challenges need for spiritual guidance.” We are deeply disappointed that Chender felt no need to speak with any stu…

'27 Dresses' is lacking in both humor and originality

I stared at a blank computer screen for 20 minutes before I could start reviewing “27 Dresses.” Why was I blocked? Bad reviews are always the easiest to bang out, and to alleviate the suspense, I can …