Abgraber

'Bridget Jones': The End of Patience

“Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason” answers an interesting question best ignored by romantic comedies: What happens after Hollywood abandons the story and the relationship is left to survive in a univ…

'Shall We Dance?' Not with this flop

The first rule of Miss Mitzi’s School of Dance: You do not talk about Miss Mitzi’s School of Dance. The second rule of Miss Mitzi’s School of Dance: You do not talk about Miss Mitzi’s School of Dance.…

The IMAXimum experience

Friday has come at last, and you, the perennial Swattie, have once again emerged from your cocoon of English papers, math sets and discarded coffee cups for a weekend full of fun, sloth, and denial ab…

Get your animation fix -- in theaters now

That time of the semester has come. You’ve got four papers and a take-home midterm overdue. Your math professor has started dropping ominous hints about the state of your grade. You’ve begun to feel t…

'Legend of Zorro' fails to carry on a good name

The critic received “The Legend of Zorro” at approximately 4:20 p.m. on Saturday, Oct. 29, 2005. From the franchise’s entrance into the movie theatre, it was apparent that the end was all too near. Th…

'Serenity' out of this world

“Fire up the trachion thrusters!”

“Aye, aye, Captain!”

“Helms mark five-point-two-oh-three. Full speed ahead!”

This is the kind of dialogue you will never hear in “Serenity.”

“This is …

'Corpse Bride' dead-on fun

Tim Burton is the type of director who never met a freakishly deformed face he didn’t like. He is a man who, when looking at a perfectly normal scene from a romantic comedy, says, ‘Why don’t we paint …

'Lord of War' a righteously rotten film

Let’s take a step back and, just for the sake of argument, pretend that this is a movie. Please bear with me — I know this is a stretch. But the trailers told me it was a movie. The newspaper told me …

Home, sweet Hollywood

Hollywoodland. The name brings to mind some sort of otherworldly dimension, a place where man, woman and studio executive live together in scripted harmony and where jacuzzis threaten to crowd out the…

Trite 'Take the Lead' falls far behind

“Take the Lead” holds the distinguished honor of allowing me the quickest, easiest plot summary I have every written. Take “Sister Act II.” Splice with “Mad Hot Ballroom.” Insert “Save the Last Dance.…

Get in on 'Inside Man'

“Inside Man” features the usual merry-go-round of violent criminals and sympathetic victims that crop up in every hostage flick. It features the usual merry-go-round of big names and famous faces that…

'Vendetta' spells a clever, creepy future

Way back in 1999, when we all still thought that the Wachowski brothers were cool, a man named Hugo Weaving entered our hearts as Agent Smith and proved that having facial expressions was not strictly…

Placing odds on Oscar day

This time last year, The Phoenix ran a column with my name seemingly attached which predicted that Martin Scorsese and “The Aviator” would round out the Academy Awards by sweeping Best Director and Be…

Thinking pink

“The Pink Panther” is a movie about lies, trickery, theft and murder. But most of all, it is a movie about people falling down. Slipping, tripping, flipping, sliding, rolling, scraping; falling forwar…

'Nanny McPhee' is fairy tale fun

If I told you that there was yet another movie out featuring a brood of kids with the hyper-drives of espresso-addicted squirrels and penchants for foul play that put Richard III to shame, would you e…

Woody Allen's 'Match Point' drops the ball

Professional tennis is a great game. I’m not talking about grannies whacking balls at each other at the country club. I’m talking about real athletes sprinting, panting, diving for a ball 15 feet away…

Don't take a ride on the predictable '3:10 to Yuma'

The western remake “3:10 to Yuma” feels a bit like the male’s answer to the romantic comedy — predictable genre film with less kissing and more waving about of manly bits, by which of course I mean gu…

'War': What is it good for? Absolutely nothing

An open letter to the gangsters, mob bosses, and hitmen of Hollywood:

A recent viewing of “War” has convinced the film reviewers of America that you must surrender authority over your lives for your o…

Film leaves writer lost 'In the Land of Women'

“I’ll be dead soon, and you’ll still be alive. Stop complaining.” We should all take a moment to appreciate this message from “In the Land of Women.” Unfortunately, a moment of thought is all the film…

'Disturbia' nothing new

For the most part, the new terror-strikes-white-suburbia thriller “Disturbia” is about as straightforward as blunt force trauma and as clever as its name (you decide). It does, however, leave one grea…

Ferrell's 'Blades of Glory' is a perfect 10

He steps onto the ice in a cowboy outfit that oozes ‘80s gay bar machismo. The ladies scream and throw their panties. The men pound their fists and swig beer. He executes a series of raunchy pelvic th…

No love for new Chris Rock film

If there’s one thing theaters know that films just can’t grasp, it’s how to keep an uppity actor in his place. What happens when Bernadette Peters, star of Broadway, asks for $10 million to direct a m…

Grant gets his groove on, but 'Music and Lyrics' still off-key

The Layman’s Guide to the Hugh Grant Pelvic Thrust: Step one: Place one foot slightly ahead of the other. Step two: Extend arms forward from the shoulder, relaxing the elbow. Step three: Thrust front …

'Vantage' without a point

This is a film about the digital age. This is a film about Current Events. This is a film about humanity. But mostly, this is a film about the same things blowing up, the same cars crashing and the sa…

Not your typical Pixar toon

While everyone appreciates a good movie about the foolish hijincks of talking fish/rats/cars/toys/bugs, it’s always refreshing to be reminded that Pixar doesn’t have a death-grip on all that is animat…