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Rough sex, hitting the elusive three and sex tapes

in Campus Journal/Columns/London Calling by


Why don’t boys like me? — LonelyGirl95

Dearest LonelyGirl95,

Are you really certain that’s the case? Love is a battlefield and sometimes words can’t communicate the horrors of war effectively. A radical approach to this would be to redefine your weapons of battle. Your armory doesn’t need to limit itself to these incisive questions you seem to be asking yourself so far — maybe what you need is an active plan of action. Instead of firing these queries at your friends and loved ones, you should be out there — on the battlefield — fighting for your autonomy and romantico-sexual satisfaction. You should empower yourself to win not just the battle, but the war, and for that you should charge head on into the dating minefield and conquer victory through active force.

How do I meet queer people at Swarthmore? — NotSoRadQueer101

Hey NotSoRadQueer101,

An obvious place to start with this would be to try and join queer life at Swarthmore (the Swarthmore Queer Union pops to mind), and chat to the people you meet there. A lot of queer groups on campus are closed, which means you’d only be around other queers. This in itself can be a bit daunting, but worry not! I’ve found they only bite when asked to. It may be a possibility that queer life isn’t for you, which is perfectly acceptable, and in that case you’ll have to find less traditional gathering spots. Some sports teams happen to gather the queer crowd (by which I mean, the women’s rugby team is gay as fuck) and you’re bound to meet a few in any given GenSex class. Beyond all this however, try and remember that queers are — gay gasp — kind of normal, and that there is no focal point that would work for everyone. If you’re struggling to meet queer people, maybe you’re not the kind of individual who would enjoy spaces oriented around them. For all you know, that friendly guy with the preppy checkered shirts from your psych class has been eyeing you all along.

How do I tell my partner I like it rough? — GagaQuoter94

Dear GagaQuoter94,

Sometimes, a fourth magic word makes the whole endeavour so much more difficult. After all, several things could go wrong if your partner happens to embody the imperial prude or is prematurely turning into one of my parents (read: frigid). Fortunately for all of us, that is rarely the case, and it should be a tenet of your healthy relationship that communication is free and open. If your partner doesn’t push the right buttons in the bedroom, it’s likely you’ll experience frustration and disappointment with the relationship as a whole — a bad situation in the long term for all parties involved. I would recommend realizing that telling your partner about your preference is the only way to progress in your relationship. Then, sit them down over coffee and lay it down calmly and with detail. They might even get a bit turned on.

What are the pros and cons of making a sex tape? — AspiringAmateur69

Howdy AspiringAmateur69,

This is definitely a decision that requires both sides of the argument being weighed out. If you’re a fan of an ironic trash aesthetic, joining the ranks of Kim Kardashian, Pamela Anderson and Paris Hilton is an illustrious honor indeed. In a way, it’s an expression of pride and bodily confidence, albeit a conceited one. Celebrating your sexual prowess in such a documented fashion also provides you with ample material to analyze your performance and give yourself constructive feedback. However, you need to consider your desired audience — chances are that seven years down the line when your publishing career starts taking off, those murky shots taken in a Mertz dingle might resurface to an undesired effect. Your boss might not be impressed with the feat, or maybe more dauntingly a bit too impressed. It would really come down to whether you trust your partner enough to save that file somewhere private, albeit close to heart.

How do I suggest a threesome to my girlfriend? — BoredButLoving77

Dear BoredButLoving77,

I can empathize completely with the desire to diversify your sexual outlets within a committed relationship. Sometimes, no piece of silicone can match the thrill that a new individual would bring into the erotic mix. I’d recommend avoiding language that’s too accusatory, such as the words “bored” or “frustrated,” to describe yourself, and instead focus on the shared thrill such an experience could add to your dynamic. You really want to channel your inner salesperson and convince your partner that they’ve actually been craving this all along. Of course, stay within the realms of suggestion — in no way should you coerce your partner into any sexual activity they aren’t comfortable with, regardless of your prior experiences.

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