---

BY ANDREW GREENBLATT

In print | Published March 24, 2011

As the students at Swarthmore College haven’t noticed at all, the NCAA tournament is in full swing, and with this year’s unstoppable surge of basketball enthusiasm comes my yearly transformation into the March Maladroit. This year, after a promising first round (4/4 on 8/9 games, and I nailed the 5/12 upset, Richmond over Vanderbilt), I proceeded to lose Syracuse, Texas, Notre Dame and Purdue, all in a matter of hours, leaving me with a pedestrian 9 out of the Sweet and Sour Sauce 16. I haven’t lost any Final Four teams, yet, but if there’s one thing I know about stinky bracket syndrome, it’s that it’s perennial and universal.

As stench creeps through your predictions just remember that we’re all going through the same thing. Except that jackass who had Richmond AND Butler in his Sweet 16 and won’t stop talking about it even though he’s watched more “Gilmore Girls” than NCAA hoops in his life, but screw that guy.

Since come March we’re all one big messed up bracket loving family, I’m taking a closer look at what we’re going through:

Stage 1: Optimism

This is the “remember when” phase, where money predictions of years past give you a false sense of hope for your current prospects. This phase usually lasts about 5 minutes, from the end of Selection Sunday until you actually start picking games. It goes a little something like, “Remember in ’08 when I totally had Davidson in my Final Four? Yeah, this is MY year.”

Stage 2: The Research Phase

Wasting time in the library phase. Obscure factoid phase. Don’t believe the ESPN hype phase, or for some people, watch Sportscenter for the first time and believe everything they say phase: Did you know that Pitt is leading the Big East in assists per game with 17.5 and Texas is fifth in the nation in rebounding with 40.3 per game. That’s why they’re both locks for the Sweet 16. This is definitely my year.

By the way, ESPN has completely ruined the research phase. If you have ESPN Insider and tried to research games, you would have seen that no matter where you click Joe Lunardi’s pick is plastered at the top of the page. That’s a psychological nightmare. Dealing with “the experts” is bad enough (Butler over Wisconsin? C’mon ESPN, Michigan State in the Sweet 16, really Sports Illustrated?), at least give me some solace with my Insider subscription.

Stage 3: The Denial Phase

This is the phase where the true basketball fans get pulled mercilessly back down to Earth when they realize that their cat could pick tourney games just as well as they could. Here’s when those 8/9 games start to go the wrong way and “totally unforeseeable events” start happening. It sounds a little something like this … “If it weren’t for Matt Howard’s put back, Demonte Harper’s three ball, Juan Fernandez’s leaner, Kalin Lucas’ travel and Kevin Anderson’s floater, I’d be killing this bracket pool.
And did you see Nasir Robinson’s foul? (which by the way was absolutely absurd. Why Jamie Dixon has his players on the line with no time left is a complete mystery to me, granted Robinson definitely shouldn’t have hacked Howard, if Dixon has a bit of sense in that situation Pitt would probably have lasted at least one more round before losing prematurely like they always do) … and by the way, if it weren’t for Jacob Pullen eating a bad cheeseburger, the poor water pressure in Notre Dame’s locker room and Georgetown’s itchy uniforms, I’d be killing this bracket pool.

Stage 4: The Despair Phase

In this phase the pretensions of knowledge are almost completely broken down. This is the reality phase, the “wow I can’t believe my 15 year old niece had VCU in the Sweet 16” phase. Depending on your personality, it’s either the “screw that guy” phase (which definitely isn’t me), or the “how’d he pick that” phase. Either way, you’ll find yourself dealing with some serious bracket envy.

Stage 5: The Hope Phase

Time to go to the scenario generator! Okay, so if Butler beats Wisconsin and Florida and makes it to the final four, all I need is for UCONN to beat San Diego State then lose to Duke, for UNC to beat Ohio State and for Kansas to win the championship. There’s still a chance …

Stage 6: Heartbreak

Dammit.

Stage 7: Humility and the Return to Optimism

This is the relaxing phase. The “I’m out of my bracket pool but I’m not letting that ruin the championship game for me” phase. Sometimes it’s easy to forget the quality of basketball on display and get lost in bracketology world, but the truth is, an upset may be mildly upsetting to your bracket picks, but imagine what it’s like for the athletes involved, for the seniors especially, who may have seen their best days pass and for the coaches whose livelihood may be at stake (sorry Bruce Pearl).

With the Elite 8 games coming up, good luck ignoring inflated bracket ego guy. I hope your scenario generator treats you well and that even if you lose, which you almost definitely will, that you welcome next year as a challenge to lose by less. I hope those of you who picked Pitt learned their lesson and for those of you who picked Butler only because your friend’s cousin went there get wiped out in the next round. A Merry March and a stinky bracket to all!

Andrew is a junior. You can reach him at agreen3@swarthmore.edu.

---

« RETURN TO SPORTS

« PREV ARTICLE | NEXT ARTICLE »