---

BY AMBER ROSE

In print | Published October 22, 2009 — Updated December 19, 2011 12:56

We did it. Halfway through. Another successful quarter passed. One quarter closer to getting the hell out, that is, to leaving this grassy sanctuary that I hold so dear. Alright, so yes, this is my senior year. Maybe I have an itch. Maybe I feel ready. Maybe looking forward (and backward) I know it’s time to break routine.

But why should I wait to shake things up when I can do so now? Why should you? There are an unlimited number of ways you can placate your boredom without resorting to an early exit or writing smutty literature for the college paper. You can spice up the routine in your daily life. We all have routines that could use a little variety. But if switching from Axe to Old Spice is not the kind of spice that you’re looking for, maybe it’s time you add some adventure to a different routine. Your sexual routine, per se. No matter your experience level or relationship status, a twist in the sexual schedule will make everything better.

The first one goes for everyone. You may think this is trivial advice, but according to the National Health and Social Life survey, over half of women (58 percent) don’t do it. Ladies and gentlemen (but ladies especially) masturbate, please! Masturbate with porn, masturbate with your imagination, masturbate with your partner, masturbate with friends — just DO IT! Masturbation is fun, it’s healthy and it’s a great stress-reliever. Taking time out of your day to take care of yourself is essential for happy living. After class, practice or whenever, block out a half-hour, light a candle, spray some lilac on your pillow, do what you have to do in order to get in the mood and release. This is therapy. This is your time. Making it special by taking small steps (like a masturbation playlist or giving yourself a big chunk of the afternoon to indulge) will bring peace to your body and mind.

Of the women masturbators in the U.S., about half of them (47 percent) report feeling guilty for the act. But if there’s any way I can encourage more women to masturbate, it would be to point out that masturbation is natural. It’s so natural, in fact, that I can remember engaging in some form of self-pleasure before I even knew what masturbation was! This memory is vivid, and I think it’s a great testament to the virtue of human instinct.

At about nine years old, I had my friend Molly over for a play date. Up in my room, we were amusing ourselves with stuffed animals. “Look!” I said to her as I picked up my stuffed leprechaun. “This feels really good.” While I’m aware that this story sounds more like sexual harassment than a defense of the virtue of masturbation, my point is this: My body was programmed to masturbate. Most people’s are.

Humans are sexual creatures: If we weren’t, our race would have died off a long time ago. And while I’m certain I stumbled across masturbation by accident, I know that it was a fortuitous accident, an accident waiting to happen.

Now that I’ve bored you with my masturbation spiel, I’d like to turn my attention to the seasoned veterans. The following activities will give your sex life the variety it craves — and this type of variety, unlike habitual partner variety, will not leave you with genital discomfort and a grudge the week after.

1. Bring some food into the bedroom. Sounds like a movie, or maybe an episode of Seinfeld, right? Well if warm deli meats don’t get you as hot as George Costanza, try some whipped cream and a thong. Nothing will titillate your partner more than the sight of you nearly naked with only strawberries and cream covering your nipples. To make the scene more exciting, turn off the lights and light a candle or two. Arrange yourself how you like and then give your partner a text and s/he will receive the surprise of his/her life.

2. Switch up the positions. Classic missionary and woman-on-top are great pinch hitters. They’re intimate and safe. But hundreds of sex positions are out there just waiting to be explored (Check out www.sexinfo101.com/sexualpositions.shtml).

Go online with your partner and check some of them out. Reading how-tos and browsing sexy pictures together can be a huge turn-on, the perfect foreplay for great and adventurous sex. Of the more known positions, don’t shy away from doggy style and don’t let the name deter you. This position allows for deep penetration, and for some women, provides the only angle by which a G-spot orgasm can be attained. Reaching down to give her most sensitive spot a little exterior love, doggy-style will have you both howling.

For opposite-sex couples, women can greatly increase the pleasure of the missionary position by lifting their legs up. The farther they lift up, the deeper the penetration. What’s more, having your legs up allows for direct stimulation of the clitoris. Without giving an anatomy tutorial, suffice it to say that making the clitoris happy is the holy grail of heterosexual (or female) hide-and-go-seek.

3. Utilize your mirror. Most dorm rooms come equipped with full-length mirrors on the closet doors. Positioning yourselves in a spot where you can watch will add an entirely new element to sex. Whereas before you were living and seeing the action as a participant, now you can participate and be a spectator simultaneously.

Adding the mirror is like creating a third-party perspective where one can see the action from the outside while partaking at the same time — like voyeurism, minus the creepy guy at the window. What’s more, watching you and your partner during sex gives you instant (but secret) celebrity status. Without having a Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton moment befall you, you can star in your very own porno.

In actuality, the options available to someone looking to alleviate sexual boredom are boundless. The extra effort it takes (which is really not much effort at all) is well worth the reward. With a few extra minutes and a bit of ingenuity, your body, your mind and your partner will thank you.

Amber is a senior. You can reach her at email address removed at the request of the author

---

« RETURN TO LIVING & ARTS

« PREV ARTICLE | NEXT ARTICLE »