BY YOEL ROTH

In print | Published October 1, 2009 — Updated October 07, 2009 17:04

Last semester, I took a course in the Film and Media Studies department entitled “From Broadcast to Podcast: TV and New Media.” In addition to further validating my suspicion that no Swarthmore course is acceptable unless it contains a colon somewhere in the name, it also gave me the distinct pleasure of being able to tell my roommate, “Why yes, I am watching ‘I Love Lucy’ for credit. How’s that biology major treating you?” (Relatedly, the Biology department is preparing to announce this week that they’re renaming the infamous and as yet colon-free Bio 1 to “Introductory Biology: Pass/Fail This Shit Before You Have A Nervous Breakdown.”)

Somewhere in the middle of a box set of the first season of “The Golden Girls” (my midterm project), I had the somewhat banal realization that beyond just entertaining us, television also inculcates us with specific (often stereotypical) images of various groups. For example, “The Golden Girls” taught us that the elderly fall into one of three categories: sexually active and proud of it, snarky and overbearing, or clueless and confused.

More to the point, though, I see TV and movies as directly responsible for the one phenomenon that every student studying abroad inevitably blogs about: culture shock. And with the kind of nonsense we’re learning from Hollywood portrayals of life in other countries, how could we not?

For instance, from “Love Actually” I learned that in England it’s considered entirely acceptable for the Prime Minister to have an affair with a member of his domestic staff, which here in the United States is a little thing we call “sexual harassment.” Then again, it seems the Americans in the movie are also a little unclear on what does or does not constitute workplace malpractice, considering the President of the United States (played by Billy Bob Thornton, of course) cops a feel of the same woman the British PM was already trying to seduce (when in Rome, I guess). Talk about tawdry.
From “Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me” I learned that all British people have awful teeth. I also learned that a proper British morning routine includes looking at yourself in the mirror and shouting, “You’re a sexy bitch! Yeah baby yeah!” – a practice I anticipate will win me numerous friends amongst my soon-to-be flatmates.

And these are just two examples that I came up with while flipping through my DVD collection one afternoon. With five days remaining before my departure (although by the time you read this, I’ll already be in England, which I can assure you will result in less contrived columns), I can’t help but think that I’m essentially going into the whole experience blind. My entire impression of the country consists of fragments of British culture that have filtered down to me through Mike Myers, The Economist, and e-mails from Virgin Atlantic, my airline, that all begin with the salutation “Hello gorgeous!”

As an experiment in acclimating myself to British culture without actually being in Britain, I decided to spend a week getting all my news and current events exclusively from British sources. I substituted The Guardian for the New York Times as my all-purpose newspaper and The Daily Mail for the New York Post, and the other assorted gossip websites I’m embarrassed to admit I follow. The findings were surprising to say the least.

For one thing, the British definition of “news” is loose, even by American standards. For instance, while the New York Times was covering stories like President Obama’s speech before the United Nations and the struggles of gay middle-schoolers, the Guardian had other ideas about what was important in the world. Above the fold on the web was a story about Colonel Gaddafi, the eccentric leader of Libya, asking the United Nations General Assembly who killed JFK. Just below it was a headline that read: “My wife and I haven’t been to the supermarket together for eight years.” Leaving “news” for the Life and Style section, I found such gems as “Happy birthday to the Billy bookcase,” an ode to flat-packed Ikea furniture, and “Lost in showbiz: the love affair that threatened Madonna’s muscle tone.”

Moreover, with the exception of Madonna, who has universal appeal, I found little to no overlap in who British and American papers were writing about. Perennial American tabloid fodder Lady GaGa, whose three Video Music Awards outfits kept blogs busy for at least two weeks determining what percentage of the time her vagina was visible, barely warrants a mention on British sites. And with the exceptions of Victoria Beckham and Sharon Osbourne (is she really still relevant?), in the week I read the Daily Mail I didn’t recognize a single celebrity they were writing about.

All things considered, this has me extremely worried. In nearly 21 years, I’ve never been in a situation where I haven’t been culturally literate. Not knowing what music to listen to, what TV shows to watch, or which celebrities to scrutinize is a terrifying concept.

Every moment of every day, twenty-somethings are expected to have a handle on several dozen constantly fluctuating pop culture references. Failing to do so results in a social faux pas on the order of my parents’ Israeli friends not totally following along with a rapidly-moving English conversation, and then interjecting something wildly inappropriate: you realize, somewhere during the uncomfortable silence that follows, that you now look like an idiot, and there’s nothing you can ever do to take it back.

With the threat of looking like an inept foreigner looming over my head, how can I possibly expect to hold a substantive conversation with British college students? The answer is, for now, I can’t. All I can do at this point is keep reading the TV & Showbiz section of the Daily Mail and hope for the best.

Yoel is a junior. You can reach him at yroth1@swarthmore.edu. More details on studying abroad can be found on his blog, yoyoel.com.

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