BY EMILY CRAWFORD

In print | Published April 16, 2009 — Updated April 17, 2009 15:55

Let’s be honest: there are times when the tasks of making yourself look decent, bundling up to go outside, or even just leaving your dorm room at all seem like too much effort. Sometimes we have bad days; we’re tired, or we’re just really, really lazy, and processes like basic grooming, changing out of sweatpants, or putting on shoes just don’t really seem achievable. But it’s Saturday night, you just finished your paper, and you really just won’t be able to live with yourself if you go to bed at 9 p.m. on a weekend … What to do then? I found myself in just such a situation last weekend, and after much deliberation I came up with a solution; it involved gin and tonics, salsa dancing, bad music and a hair dryer, among other things.

I am devoting this edition of my column to those nights we’ve all experienced, but that don’t really have a name in the social sphere — those nights when you just can’t muster up the energy to go out into the far reaches of campus, and the so-called “spring weather” is so sorely discouraging, that you end up just getting drunk in your room with friends and doing ridiculous things. Or, for some of you, just doing ridiculous things without the drunken part, although in my experience that is not nearly as much fun. Apparently this is common practice at other schools, where alcohol restrictions are actually enforced and people have to hide in their rooms when they drink because they are underage. But at Swarthmore, where you can frolic around campus with a beer in one hand and a joint in the other with minimal chances of negative repercussions, these nights of mayhem behind closed doors are reserved only for the times when you are really bored, really lazy, or it’s really just too cold outside.

The solution to my dilemma was exactly one of those nights. I tried going to Olde Club with friends, got bored quickly, didn’t really want to put effort into anything — so I lured friends back to my room with alcohol and decided we would make our own fun. Such nights often end up being the most entertaining, because the most epic of shenanigans take place when they are the least expected. Hilarious stories, good memories and bad hangovers are sure to ensue. Not just reserved for the “dormy” types anymore, those kids who are friends with people on their hall and therefore never leave it, the room-party is the new Paces dance party. At least until all this cold rain goes away, that is.

The first step towards a successful room party is good drinks. If the main event of your evening is simply getting drunk in itself, then you need to enjoy it and must do so in style. In my case this usually involves my favorite drink, the gin and tonic, made with anything that’s not Banker’s Club (Tanqueray is preferable). If you want to get fancy you can make more complicated things — if you have a blender, even better. I don’t, but my goal is to get one and throw a margarita fiesta one day, so I will be proud from afar of any of my readers who do so before me. One rule: when making gin and tonics or any other citrus-involving beverages, you ABSOLUTELY MUST use real limes, or real fruit of whatever type is called for. Gin and tonics without lime are not OK.

Also important is the selection of friends. Obviously, you can’t fit everyone you would like into one dorm room, but lounges are gross and lack atmosphere. Therefore, you must invite your friends accordingly and with great care as to which small group will balance one another out well. On Saturday I somehow ended up being the only girl in my room for the entire night — apparently I need more female friends. Generally, it’s good to invite at least one really funny person, one person who will get drunk with you so that you don’t feel like an alcoholic, and one calm person who will keep things under control should they get out of hand.

It’s generally best to play loud, obnoxious music at your room party so that your whole hall knows that you’re getting drunk. I think my hall must have really appreciated my sing-along rendition of “Jumper” by Third Eye Blind. Anything that is ironically retro is good, like bad ‘80s music, which may seem cliché but will never, ever get old in my mind. If you’ve accumulated enough people, spontaneous dance parties are good, too — who needs an Ibiza-themed Paces party when you can turn your own bedroom into a euro-trash dance club? If you’re too lazy to make a play list, just put a Girl Talk album on shuffle. Girl Talk is also always appropriate, for any place in any situation at any time. When in doubt, play Girl Talk.

Once the scene is set, it’s up to you to decide where your night will lead, but with good drinks, friends and funny music, it’s hard to go wrong. However, beware of ridiculous behavior that gets out of hand; my night involved me periodically making loud squawking noises that apparently sounded like the baby dinosaur from “Jurassic Park.” Being safe is always important too, because drinking in comfortable conditions with large amounts of alcohol available can often go farther than you intend it to. This is a message from your columnist: please drink responsibly. It’s best to time at least 10 minutes between shots, and use a buddy system — if none of your friends want to have one more drink with you, you probably don’t need one. Also, never listen to me for advice on how to limit your drinking. Ever.

Emily is a sophomore. You can reach her at ecrawfo1@swarthmore.edu.

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