BY DANA SEAY

In print | Published April 7, 2005

Spring is the perfect time for an out-with-the-old, in-with-the-new mentality. But what do you toss like last week’s Phoenix and what do you cling to like it’s your lifeboat off the Titanic? Here’s the breakdown, the très très divided from the passé, the definitive guide to what’s in and out for spring 2005.

Nostalgia for the unremembered ‘80s is finally fin, and in its wake comes a resurgence of fresh ’70s gear. Think short-shorts, wedge sandals, big, gold-hoop earrings and aviators galore. It’s more “Boogie Nights” than “Flashdance,” serving as a reminder that retro whores come in all shapes and sizes. And on that note, I have become convinced that jumpsuits are the future (today!) and won’t rest until I have secured myself the perfect all-in-one ensemble: retro ridiculousness at its finest.

But if you’re only craving a few new pieces, not a completely revamped aesthetic, that too is possible. Jewelry is always fun, and this season it’s the bigger the better. Oversized diamond rings offer faux-fun flair, especially when worn on the middle finger as a display of the paradoxical nature of your contempt for society’s patriarchal norms juxtaposed with your cattle-like hunger for the cud of consumerism (obviously).

Ironic apparel of the Urban Outfitters variety is played out, but strange manners (Strokes reference intended and most likely missed) are the hot jawn. Seemingly out-of-place affectations do more for your look than an “A is for Awesome” t-shirt ever could. High marks go to boys who kiss-kiss and girls who ride bikes with baskets. Also viable are double-dutch as a public display of coordination and hoola-hoops as a public display of hips. The ‘90s are not yet far enough behind for the hacky-sack or high-fives to be cute. (Unless, of course, the “high-five” is initiated with enough malice and condescension to make the receiver of the gesture cry. That’s hot.)

And speaking of manners, low-rider jeans (the ones cut low enough to expose thong) are no longer acceptable. The ass-crack should never be considered cleavage. Move up from those nether regions and let the waist of your sexy pair of jeans end just below those notches that appear on the lower part of well-toned girls’ backs, an acceptable feature to show off.

Although a non-issue on Swarthmore’s campus, it should be mentioned that brand-name affiliations are now far from chic. The brand I’m running from fastest? Juicy Couture. Like Uggs, this name reached its shelf life the moment Jessica Simpson caught on. This was made painfully clear to me last summer when, working my crappy retail job at Lord & Taylor’s, a woman with a thick Southern drawl asked if we “got any-a dat dare juicy cooter.”

While I do concede that unblinking declarations of what’s in and out are more than a little fascist, I maintain that it’s necessary for any fashionably functioning community. We’re constantly striving to better ourselves academically; why should our appearances and social lives be any different? Innovation is key. What’s in is bouncing down Magill Walk wearing yummy fruit prints, the shiny sounds of M.I.A. blasting from your iPod. What’s out is wearing last year’s stale polka-dotted ensemble (the tried-and-true pattern is out at the moment, but will always return) as you dance to back-to-back Outkast in Paces. In the immortal words of Mike Skinner, let’s push things forward. Free your fashion (which includes not just clothing but things like taste in music) and your mind will follow.

Need help making the shift? Fashion magazines are also very much passé, but if you just can’t get enough of other people’s takes on cool, try Vice magazine’s Dos and Don’ts. Don’t let corporate America tell you what to wear; take fashion advice from a lecherous old man! Style is all about attitude, and Vice is nearly nothing but. Also, it stands as a healthy reminder in Swarthmore’s be-nice-to-everybody culture that sometimes people really do dress badly and get slammed for it.

I have one last proclamation. Perhaps the hippest thing you can wear this spring is a narc mark, those x’s that get sharpied on your hand when you attend Pub Nite, Paces or Olde Club. It’s tangible proof of a social life (of sorts). Staying in on the weekends to study is passé. As the year draws to a close, you owe it to yourself to spend your last Swarthmore moments in a swirl of fashion and fun.

Dana is a sophomore. You can reach her at dseay1@swarthmore.edu.

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