BY SAM BELL and SAM BRECKENRIDGE

In print | Published November 4, 2004

We’re still beating that Red Sox drum. From our point of view (that of highly-respected columnists,) it’s just a good story to share — something compelling, historic and filled with a handful of potential sitcom characters. And as fun as the bandwagon has been, it might have reached the end of the road. Curse or not, no one has a soft spot for these clowns anymore. The Cubbies are next in our books (Tampa’s in the hole). Plus, Sox fans are confronted with an unsettling question: Now what?

Two things are gonna happen. The first entails a return to normalcy — whether it actually feels normal to Sox fans is an ongoing debate, but there shouldn’t be any more mentioning of the Curse, no more pictures of Babe Ruth brought into Yankee Stadium come October, and networks just might have to trash that Buckner tape. For Sox fans, the feeling is analogous to being back in elementary school and asking your mom to let you do something just because “all the other kids are doing it.” (And it actually worked with her this time because she said, “Yes, go paintballing, Shmu,” or “We don’t have to watch Jim Lehrer tonight, Sammy.” She never says that — that’s huge.)

The second side of this scene is less pleasant and deals with who’s coming back next year and under what financial circumstances. This part sucks – there’s just no way around it, and as a fan it’s tough to learn that some of your favorite players — individuals that you root for and defend in heated Sharples discussions and on ridiculous radio shows, are all about the Benjamins and not about winning. Nomar and his $16 million a year demand left Boston a while ago, beloved Pedro is expected to ask for a third more than his statistics should command, and the newly-crowned Yankee Assassin, Derek Lowe, (despite losing his starting position during the regular season) will probably ride his postseason success all the way to the bank, crippling the Sox financially.

The same revolting stuff is going down in the NBA – Latrell Sprewell (just like we called it two weeks ago) feels as though his decrepit defense and 16 points-per-game merit at least $16 million a year. He and his agent swiftly rejected a three-year offer for $30 million and ran to the media, pleading their case. A memorable soundbite surfaced when Latrell, in an effort to defend his greed, stated, “I’ve got a family to feed.” To borrow loosely from Chris Rock, that’s a lot of extra cheese on his Whopper. GM McHale should cast him down with the Sodomites, or at least trade him to Atlanta or Toronto. He’s never been about winning anyway.

Don’t let us get you down though. Don’t get too angry. These things have a way of working out — unless you happen to be a hockey fan this year. At least our favorite sport, professional basketball, always seems to make an exciting comeback. It sure did this year, even with all the lousy contracts handed out, the borderline superstars demanding trades because they haven’t brought their teams to an elite level, and a poor showing by USA NBA-ers in the Olympics. The eight-month season started up Tuesday. Here’s the second half of our Western Conference playoff preview:

5. Utah Jazz – Boozer will fit right in. He won’t need to purchase a winter coat: He’s got more body hair than the Missing Link. This man is a beast in the post, and he’ll be fed well by the only other Carlos (Arroyo) in the league. The San Juan-Anchorage connection will be Malone-Stockton II and with the assault weapons ban expired, Coach Sloan can use his AK47 to help secure the homeland … uh, we mean … Andrei will continue to protect the Utah hoop.

6. Houston Rockets – Isn’t America the best? Only here can a 5’8" bald guy who never played college ball and hasn’t slept since Iran-Contra tell a trio of multi-millionaire seven-footers from China, Jamaica and Congo to stick their backsides in each other’s groins. And they actually do it! Oh yeah, they also picked up the best player in the league not named Shaq or Kobe. That’ll get you into the playoffs.

7. Phoenix Suns – This is an And 1 mix tape waiting to happen. Amaré, the Missing Link, Joe Johnson, Quentin, and Steve Nash (hereafter referred to as Samson – Shmu knows why). And this is the vulnerable lineup. We could even throw Q’s Brandy on the soundtrack. Sign us up.

8. Memphis Grizzlies – Fifty victories last year, nearly double the total from the 2002 – 2003 campaign. Sure, the surprise factor will be gone this time around, we’ll give you that. But the Grizz are changing for the better — Gasol looks a little less like Olive Oil, J-Dub looks a lot more like Slim, the new uni’s match the new arena, and GM Logo, Jerry West, is gonna move two or three of his quality swingmen for a substantial big. Plus, we’re just really biased.

It’s time for new rivalries in the NBA — we’re out like the Lakers’ and Kings’ playoff chances.

Sam and Sam are seniors. You can reach them at sbell1@swarthmore.edu and sbrecke1@swarthmore.edu

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