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BY TARIQ FISCHER

In print | Published October 28, 2004

Screw Haverford.

Now, I do not mean that in the “Swat is so ridiculously superior to those scrubs that I don’t even have to acknowledge their existence” sense. “Screw Haverford” means that I believe in delivering the most agonizing, humiliating, soul-crushing defeats possible to the Fords. I want to rub their face in our every success, whether in volleyball, field hockey, basketball, debate or Iron Chef-style cooking showdowns.

Why? Haverford is Swarthmore’s rival. Call me biased, but we are everything they wish they could be and they are everything we hope never to become.

Except for maybe one thing. As Darcy Nelson’s article on the Hood Trophy (“Hood Who?” September 9, 2004) described, Haverford students are far more focused on dominating this rivalry than we are. Instead of a powerful “Hell yeah!” from Swatties in response to “Screw Haverford,” I am more likely to get a yawn and a mumbled, “Who cares?” Many Swatties are content to point to US News rankings in their dismissal of “that other school,” apathetic about the fact that Swarthmore has not won the Hood Trophy, the annual symbol of athletic superiority between the two schools, since 1995.

Have you ever heard of the Hood Trophy? Swarthmore, our collective apathy, is making this rivalry disappear. The yawners might even question if this is even a bad thing.

This is indeed A Very Bad Thing. Why? Because rivalry makes you better than you are.

Think about it. Would Larry Bird have been etched into basketball memory without his intense duels with Magic Johnson? Would anybody outside of Boston care about this year’s ALCS if not for years of disappointment and hatred toward the Yankees? In sports, rivalry games force players to perform at a higher level than they otherwise would ever reach. The Magic/Bird rivalry transformed the NBA from a “minor” professional sport into the cash cow that it is today. This year’s Red Sox/Yankees series drew record ratings for Major League Baseball, a league that had not yet fully recovered after the 1994 strike.

Outside of sports, rivalries have exactly the same effect. Without this year’s hotly contested election, the average dinner conversation would not force Americans to provide a solid defense of their beliefs. The ideological battles that occur on a daily basis at Swat would never occur if we had were as apathetic about politics as we are about our own athletics.

Okay, so the argument goes, Swarthmore is just not an athletically inclined school. Wrong again.

Mary Lyon hosts Philadelphia Eagles study breaks. A sizable portion of the student body plays one of 22 varsity sports. And last Saturday, I could not find a single cable television in Wharton where I could watch the Georgia/Arkansas college football game. Why? Not because of a political debate, but because practically every student on campus was glued to the Red Sox game. Swatties care about sports, just not Swarthmore sports. That needs to change.

If you are willing to pay to see Terrell Owens catch a Donovan McNabb touchdown pass, why not go see a buddy score the winning basket or goal for free?

Swatties made an active decision to attend our school. What better way to celebrate that decision than by supporting Swat athletics? Reviving the rivalry with Haverford is the first step.

One sophomore I interviewed for an article on the soccer team explained that “I support the team, but I just don’t care enough to go to the game.” My biggest fear is that the average Swattie shares this attitude. The men’s soccer team plays Haverford this Saturday in their regular season finale. Go to the game. Scream until you sound like Joan Rivers after a tracheotomy. Revel in the superiority of your school. Watch our rivals get smacked around like Vanilla Ice in a meeting with Suge Knight.

And screw Haverford.

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