In print | Published October 28, 2004

Dear Editor:

I am writing in response to Katharine Merow ’06’s letter “Fight Enforced Extronomativity” (Oct. 21, pg. 16). Although Merow’s general message is valid, that extroverted people should not label as unfriendly or “incurably antisocial” those who do not offer greetings in the form of smiles, nods or hellos, I do take issue with part of her argument.

As an “extrovert” myself, I can say that we by no means greet “every living soul” on the Swarthmore campus. However, seemingly random encounters do occur when two previously unacquainted people approach one another. If both individuals are alone, no matter how deep their “profound train of thought” might be, it is highly unlikely that neither will notice the presence of the other. Here, an extrovert might make eye contact and then let out a small smile or nod, which, contrary to Merow’s letter, is intended neither to “validate other people’s existence” nor, as Alex Ginsberg ’08 wrote (“Would a smile and nod kill you?”, Oct. 7, pg. 16), as an expression of “happiness and approval.” In this situation, a smile is no particular indication of happiness, but simply an acknowledgement of the other person. I would agree with what Debbie Farrelly ’06 said to me, that it is “not natural” to look the other way and pretend that you do not see the fellow human being walking toward you.

Perhaps introverts are not inclined to first make eye contact or initiate an interaction. However, if the person coming towards you does smile or nod, does it really matter if you’ve ever been formally introduced or have previously interacted? Do you really have to solve this irrelevant quandary prior to acknowledging his presence in return with a small nod or fleeting smile, thereby determining post-acknowledgement where you might have met before? Undoubtedly, we’ve all been in the situation where by the time we realized we’ve been smiled at, the person has long passed us and we’ve failed to respond. But, unless one has a chronically slow reaction time, in the majority of instances one does register quickly enough to reply.

Also, Swarthmore is a place that accepts and respects diversity, but it is imperative to realize that Swat is not representative of the world at large. In the world outside Swarthmore, if someone smiles at you and you consistently do not respond, it will most likely be interpreted as unfriendliness or arrogance even if, as Merow points out, this is unintended. It does not particularly bother us here if you do not smile back, nor do we usually feel, as Merow suggests, “devalued as a person,” but to many outside Swat, you might indeed come off as anti-social. Introverts and extroverts alike need to be aware of unavoidable social norms (every culture has them), and to take responsibility for how they are interpreted by others.

Personally, I think that a smile can never hurt, especially as the mere acknowledgement of another human being. Perhaps I’ve read a tad too much “Chicken Soup for the Soul,” but you never know how great an impact a small smile can have on a complete stranger.

Eleanor Joseph ’07

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